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These Aren’t Your Momma’s Gardening Gloves, They’re A Goalkeeping Revolution

At least I think so, I’m 100% not a goalkeeper. There’s way too much anxiety back there.

You know how goalkeepers are always strapping, unstrapping and re-strapping their straps? WELL THAT’S OVER NOW. At least that’s what Nike’s trying to achieve with their latest innovation: the strapless Nike Mercurial Touch Elite Goalkeeper Gloves.

Just like Ralph Waldo Emerson, these gloves are moving into the woods to live deliberately while doing away with all the superfluity of life. According to Footy Headlines, there’s “a 66 percent reduction in the number of components” while also weighing in “33 percent lighter and 47 percent thinner.”

Nike goalkeeper gloves

Look, ma! No straps! Photo: @GkNexusTweet | Twitter

This seems like it could put your hands in harm’s way, but I will not bullshit you, I’m not a goalkeeper, and I really don’t know. Besides, as Pep Guardiola has shown the world, the modern day keeper isn’t there to save shots, he or she is there to pass it to Fernandinho.

Also, Jack Butland, who has six caps for England and knows a thing or two about minding the net, had this to say: “The initial reaction is always, ‘Whoa!’ because they just look so different and cool. But it’s when you play in them that the performance benefits come through. I feel like I have a lot more control in these gloves and they can help take me to the next level.”

Personally, I love them. They remind me of summer days spent spreading the sweet perfume of mulch around the garden. They make me happy, and “let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” 

That’s Marcel Proust. He was also a game changer.