Melbourne City defeated Sydney FC in the FFA Cup final thanks to a goal from Australian demigod Tim Cahill, but the real story on the night was one of intimacy and the tenderness shown between a seagull, Sydney goalkeeper Danny Vukovic and a sideline avian masseuse — E.L. James, I hope you’re taking notes.
The match was apparently contested while a flock of seagulls wailed and squawked overhead because Melbourne. One of those gulls, perhaps taking an opportunity to scavenge opportunistically, was damned for her kleptomania and injured.
Enter Vukovic, part time goalkeeper, full-time bird whisperer. He cradled the gull in his arms like Ryan Gosling, whispering “Hey girl . . . don’t make those webbed feet do all the work, I’ll carry you.”
He delicately brought Mrs. Seagull to the touchline, placing her in a safe zone where she could be her authentic self and gingerly petting her with the synthetic resin polyurethane of his goalkeeping gloves.
The match could resume. When the cameras came back to our white-headed friend, she was nestled comfortably in a makeshift human nest, receiving a soothing rub of the pectoralis major muscle.
The proud seagull reportedly flew away shortly after, probably saying something like “We’re not so different, you and I” before taking off in search of crabs and small fish.
