This Penalty Was So Bad The Goal Literally Collapsed In Protest
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In 1994 an event happened that shook the very foundation of soccer. During the World Cup in the United States, apparently some marketing hacks decided to have Diana Ross take an exhibition penalty for reasons that are still unclear.
Now, Diana Ross is very talented at many things, singing chief among them. Not chief among them, however, is kicking a soccer ball. Which is how we found ourselves in the position of having to write this article.
The Telegraph has an excellent article breaking down what went wrong. We will focus on the aftermath, which left an innocent goal in a collapsed heap and a keeper scurrying for his life.
Still think the keeper had it covered https://t.co/Ar1D900KL2— James Dart (@James_Dart) February 10, 2016
The ensuing penalty is so bad the cosmic forces holding the goal's world together collapse, and the goal decides that it wants no part of being a goal anymore. This causes the physical bonds holding the goal together to dissolve, and the goal ceases to be a goal. It is now and forever more merely a collection of piled sticks with some netting attached.
While the goal undergoes an existential crisis, it appears the keeper faces one also. He does reasonably well on the penalty (as mentioned in the above Tweet, it looked like he had it covered), but then the true realization of what has just happened dawns on him, and he flees the scene. This is a good decision, as he avoids any contact with the collapsing goal.
Diana Ross herself seems the least-troubled person throughout the incident. Perhaps she doesn't realize the implications of what she has just done (or, rather, not done). Ignorance is bliss, after all.