As Swansea City completed a first league double over Manchester United in their 103 year history, you’d be forgiven for thinking Louis van Gaal was the man most in need of a free-scoring Radamel Falcao. After all, United out-shot The Swans by 18 attempts to 11 on Saturday, yet still left South Wales with sweet FA - and all while the Colombian hit-man sat unused on the bench, looking about as excited as Mitt Romney at a matinée performance of The Book of Mormon.
But there’s somebody with far more riding on the form of Falcao than anyone at United, who look less enamoured with their last-minute loanee by the weekend. His name is Dimitry Rybolovlev, and he’s facing a bit of a cashflow problem.
Rybolovlev owns French club AS Monaco, into which he's poured hundreds of millions of dollars over the last three years, not least the $70 million acquisition of Falcao, whose playing registration he still controls. The first two-and-a-half seasons under Rybolovlev's ownership went well, with Moncao first regaining their Ligue 1 status and then achieving every self-respecting Russian Oligarch's wet dream: Champions League qualification. But things since then have gone a little south for the fertilizer magnate.
Photo: @VictorSuave | Twitter
For starters, in January last year Rybolovlev was forced to pay Ligue 1 $58 million to keep Monaco within the league (in lieu of the income taxes Monégasques don't have to pay). In May, he was told by a Swiss judge to pay his ex-wife $4.8 billion - that's FOUR POINT EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS - following the conclusion of a long, bitter and record-breaking divorce battle, handing over, amongst other trinkets, his $88 million Manhattan penthouse and a Greek island. Finally, to really rub salt into the claw-marks, the big-name signings like Falcao and James Rodriguez that Rybolovlev bank-rolled failed to deliver the shirt sales he and his chums were expecting: apparently a small principality that doubles as a parking lot for the mega-rich's super yachts isn’t the populist choice. Who’d have thought?
Throw in UEFA's Financial Fair Play laws and a devalued Rouble, and suddenly owning a football club has lost much of its lustre. Which is why, last summer, Monaco offloaded James Rodriguez to Real Madrid before, in the dying light of the transfer window, hurrying to foist Falcao onto any club in Europe with a helipad and a spare bit of cash.
The late-night loan deal to United was meant to place the Colombian in the shop window, proving to everyone that his ruptured ACL - which required surgery last January - was fixed and his finishing instincts were undiminished. Just four goals in 19 appearances later – and only five full 90 minutes completed – it looks highly unlikely that United will exercise their $70 million option to make Falcao’s move permanent, and one must wonder who exactly would stump up such an inordinate sum of cash for a shadow of the man who scored 52 league goals in 66 starts for Atleti.
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Which means Rybolovlev has a diminishing asset on his hands. Not that he's worried, mind. Oh no no no no. Look, his minion Vadim Vasilyev, vice-president at Monaco, says so: “I am not worried.” See? “He is a world-class striker. We have interest from other great [read: rich] clubs. So I am really not worried for him at all.”
Sure, we’re convinced. Who wouldn’t pay $70 million for a 29-year-old with a dodgy knee averaging a goal every 234 minutes? Bond fans amongst the Old Trafford faithful could have watched Goldfinger in between Falcao’s goals this season. Twice.
While the capacity of clubs around Europe to pay astronomical sums of money for mediocre or aging players will likely never cease to amaze us, it would take a moment of incomprehensible monetary madness for any team to pay multiple tens of millions for Radamel Falcao based on current form. So, it's likely few cheered louder than Rybolovlev this weekend at the sight of Robin van Persie hobbling out of the Liberty Stadium on crutches: his faultering asset may get one more chance to prove his worth to Europe's "great clubs."
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