England, Scotland, Wales, And Northern Ireland Can Win The World Cup

With another international break rearing it’s ugly head this week, we have been forced to tear ourselves away from the savory domestic leagues of Europe. These breaks never seem to come at the right time, and that’s probably because more often than not an international soccer match simply cannot compete with the thrill of club soccer. A combination of player unfamiliarity, tactical experimentation, and not wanting to embarrass an entire country always seems to lead to a bunch of friendlies and qualifiers that are either vapid blowouts or somnambulatory one-nils. 

Speaking of vapid and somnambulatory, England will be facing off with Lithuania in a round of Euro 2016 qualifying. Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland will also partake in the qualifying round, facing Israel, Gibraltar, and Finland respectively. Which all seems rather pointless, as none of those four teams have a chance of winning Euro 2016. They might qualify — England almost certainly will — but they will never win, just as they might qualify for the 2018 World Cup and yet will have absolutely no hope of winning that competition either. Four countries doomed to fail, that is what we see.

As we came to that certainty, a funny thought came in to our heads over and over again: what if they weren’t four separate countries? England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland already form the sovereign state known as the United Kingdom. Why couldn’t that sovereignty extend to soccer? What if the only way any of these four could win Euro 2016 or Russia 2018, was to unify under the Union Jack? 

What, that? That isn’t a war memorial, or some heinously inaccurate immigration report set in stone. It’s a record of England’s footballing failures, throughout all time. Recently, England has become just about the most mediocre soccer superpower on the planet. That mediocrity is a failure for a country that supposedly is home to the best domestic league in the world. 

Now, English soccer doesn’t have a monopoly on failure. The entire country of Brazil is still suffering PTSD from the Massacre at the Maracana. The Dutch still have never won a World Cup. Portugal failed to win Euro 2004 on its home soil. The pain of these failures comes from sources objective and subjective. England’s failure, however, has forgone such scientific terms. The monument pictured above has elevated it to an art form. An expensive one at that. No other country’s failures are worth $900,000. 

Scotland partially shares England’s rich footballing history. They are the Eve to England’s Adam, if you will. That is not as nice as it sounds. Scotland has not qualified for the World Cup since France in 1998, and there is no reason to believe that come 2018 they won’t be staring at two decades of being left out of the biggest competition in the world. A rich history, just like England’s 1966 World Cup win, does not win, or qualify for, anything.

Wales has just never been good enough. It has had plenty of legends like Ryan Giggs and Ian Rush, and today can even boast certified superstar Gareth Bale and class midfielder Aaron Ramsey, but these special players have been too few and far between to manage any real appreciable success. The Welsh haven’t been to a World Cup since 1958, and that was their first one ever. 

And Northern Ireland, while holding the record for being the least populous country to qualify for the World Cup until Trinidad and Tobago took it from them in 2006, also hasn’t qualified for a World Cup since Mexico 1986. But hey, they did have George Best. 

Individually, these four countries are going nowhere, but if they joined forces as the United Kingdom, which, we will mention again, already exists, they wouldn’t just form a contender for Russia 2018, they would form the favorite. 

A U.K. team would be predominately English. There’s just no two ways about it. For all of their aforementioned mediocrity, England is still home to the largest talent pool of the three by far. In fact, taking into account past accomplishments and current form, there are only three non-English players that have a chance of making the 2018 U.K. team, and all three are Welsh: Gareth Bale, Aaron Ramsey, and Joe Allen. Scottish Real Madrid youth prospect Jack Harper has a chance as well, but since he is a relatively unknown quantity, we’ll leave him out for now. 

That is not to say that Scotland and Northern Ireland bring nothing to the table. Talent is not a fountain that a country has dominion over. It’s ephemeral and wandering, and in 10 years the greatest player in the world could hail from either of those two countries. Producing world-class players aside, at a grass roots level Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Wales provide an invaluable ingredient to the mix: competition. You can never have enough of it. Even if they never produced another star, just being able to fight for their right to represent the U.K. will push the English to the limit. Every English, Welsh, Scottish, and Northern Irish footballer will either survive and succeed, or washout.

So, as mentioned, there is no getting around the fact that the team will be primarily English, even through Russia 2018. Because of this, the U.K. team will inherit many of England’s flaws. 

As it is, England is talented but lacks creativity. Its players are familiar with each other but lack chemistry. And it is victorious but never when it matters. England is currently in the middle of a 6 game winning streak and it means absolutely nothing. They have a history of qualifying for both the World Cup and the European Championships with ease — although that might be too strong of a world, with regularity is a better fit. Against opposition a class below them, England gets results, but the quality of football with which these results are achieved varies from liquid to molasses.

When things do get sticky, Wayne Rooney is usually left with the task of creating something out of nothing. Every team eventually runs into situations like these when facing world-class opposition, but it simply happens too often for England. A last resort becomes a go-to option, and Rooney is often overly relied upon. 

And as if all that weren’t bad enough, the liquid end of that spectrum seems to fall away completely when they play against quality opposition in major tournaments. That their current win steak is proceeded by two losses and a draw at Brazil 2014 is telling.  

The U.K. team can address these flaws through two things: time, and the additions of Bale, Ramsey, and Allen. Bale will not only be able to split the load with Rooney when the U.K. goes in to desperation mode, he will be able to take the lions share of it and excel in ways that Rooney will soon not be capable of. The presence of those two superstars will also lessen the pressure on younger players like Raheem Sterling, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Jack Wilshere, Daniel Sturridge, and Ross Barkley to immediately contribute. In the lead up to Russia 2018, these younger players will have a further three years to develop, Bale will enter his prime, and Rooney will in all likelihood maintain his status as one of the best players on the planet, even at age 33. 

The combinations of Arsenal’s Ramsey and Wilshere and Liverpool’s Henderson and Allen offer two distinct tactical options. They will provide the midfield with chemistry and depth. The Arsenal boys will naturally gravitate towards a possession style of play. A yin to which Henderson’s and Allen’s pressing will provide the yang. A counter-attacking middle ground will also be easily attainable, as we will shortly show. 

As for the defense, barring the unexpected, it will be English. That’s really all there is to say at the moment. 

By the time Russia 2018 rolls around. The United Kingdom would have a team of depth and quality, capable of playing in any of three ways. Here are three different lineups in that vein, with the ages of the players in 2018 in parenthesis.  

Possession

Counterattack

Pressing

It should be mentioned at this point that Harry Kane will also probably play a large role at Russia 2018, but he was not put in any of these starting XIs for the sole reason that Daniel Sturridge and Wayne Rooney are more experienced and have more proven track records. In three years, his holiness could over take both of those players and be a shoe-in for the starting XI, but for this thought experiment he has been more or less left out. 

At any rate, this is a team that could win the World Cup in 2018. A team of men, seasoned veterans, not boys who will be caught up in the spectacle of the tournament. A team with two legitimate superstars in Gareth Bale and Wayne Rooney, and quite possibly a third by 2018 in Raheem Sterling. And finally a team that can roll with the punches, as comfortable playing against 2010 Spain as they would be against any iteration of San Marino. 

Obviously a lot could change between now and 2018. Players could get injured and currently unknown stars could emerge. Regardless, this hypothetical U.K. team represents the only way England, Wales, Scotland, or Northern Ireland could win the World Cup in 2018, and it is not the pipe dream that some of you may think it is. 

The prospect of forming a U.K. team has already been brought up for debate in British parliament by Laurence Robertson. Here’s what he had to say on the subject:

“None of us have really been successful - England have not done any good since 1966 and some great players from Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales have not played in the World Cup, such as George Best and Ryan Giggs.”

“What's the point of four teams? I don't think any other country puts more than one team out - the United States doesn't put forward 50 teams.”

Well, he’s earned our vote, if that is how things are done in British parliament. 

There really are no downsides to this unification in the name of soccer. Only a misplaced sense of petty nationalism would stop people from wanting this to happen. Their need for England or Wales to win independent of outside help warping their appreciation for how impossible that really is. None of the countries that currently make up the United Kingdom are going to win the World Cup, not in 2018 in any regard. 

It’s time to unify England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland. For soccer, for glory, and because it’s already been done.

What are you waiting for, United Kingdom? Years and years of footballing mediocrity?

…oh wait. 

Don’t let this be you in 2018. Unify the United Kingdom, and live the dream.