Cristiano Ronaldo Brands, Ranked

The CR7 shirts website just redirects to the CR7 underwear website because Cristiano Ronaldo is always on-brand and never off-brand, and he cares a lot more about underwear than shirts. If you followed him on Twitter you would know this.

Eyes  are the mirror of the soul  pic.twitter.com/NVKZuRAGX9

— Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) September 11, 2017

That's deep.

It's pretty cool to have your very own museum. That speaks to the strength of the rest of the list, and also to Cristiano's status as far and away the most famous person from Medeira, an archepelago off the coast of Portugal with a population of less than 300,000.

Madeira loves its prodigal son, and that's nice. The museum ranks so low here because pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo are widely available on social media, and everyone with an Internet connection and a little curiosity can find out everything there is to know about Cristiano anyway.

With the CR7 selfie app, you can pose for selfies with Cristiano Ronaldo! Or superimpose Cristiano Ronaldo into your selfies. Or something.

Another obvious Cristiano brand. Gyms just make sense for him.

Now we're getting into the meat of the thing. Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the few people who can get otherwise-sensible folks to drop hundreds of dollars on tassel loafers just because they have his name on them. The new campaign is all-black for Halloween, if you're into that sort of thing.

Surprisingly affordable. There are two hotels, one in Lisbon and one in Funchal (the museum is at the Funchal location). The hotels are so high up because Cristiano Ronaldo is the only athlete I know of who has hotels named after him. That's a level of fame that's just inconceivable to all but like 10 people in the world.

What is CR7 Legacy, you ask?

It's cologne. Of course it's cologne. Cristiano Ronaldo's fragrance is also his legacy, which just makes sense.

Check out a clip from the ad for my new fragrance Cristiano Ronaldo Legacy. Full version here http://t.co/xxisDWV99fhttps://t.co/JGXcNpb8I5

— Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) September 9, 2015

Duh. 

He better at least be wearing CR7 underwear under that blanket.