Watching Portugal Smash 14 Incredible Goals Past China Is The Best Way To Spend Your Sunday

I can see it now, the invitation letter fluttering down the chimney a la Hogwarts and gently nestling at the feet of former Canadian player turned China national beach soccer coach Ross Ongaro. 

Dear Mr. Ongaro,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at the 2016 Beach Soccer Worldwide Mundialito. You’ll play Portugal, Brazil, and the United States of America. This is not a joke. Best of luck, lads!

Sepp Blatter

Now, this isn’t the hardest-hitting form of research you’ll ever see, but Wikipedia’s “List of beaches” page says China is home to Xichong and Yalong Bay. That’s two beaches. Portugal, Brazil and the USA all have links to independent seperate pages — there’s simply not enough room to list them all. 


This doesn’t seem fair. It’s like inviting Ethiopia to a hockey tournament with Canada, Sweden and the USA. But Mr. Ongaro and the Chinese Football Association graciously accepted the invitation. It’s one weekend under the sun in Cascais, Portugal. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh, this:

After three matches, China is heading home with a goal difference of minus 36. On Friday, they were hammered by Portugal 14-0. On Saturday, their defensive and offensive fragilities were once again revealed as Brazil thrashed them 16-0.

On Sunday, they got their first goals of the tournament in an 8-2 loss to the United States. 

It was time to head home to one of their two beaches and start again. The 2017 Beach Soccer World Cup is right around the corner, and China will be ready.

Follow me on Twitter: @ConmanFleming

Videos you might like