Game Recaps

True beat downs are rare in professional soccer, usually confined to mismatched tournament qualifiers and silly international friendlies. It's rare to see a beat down in a league match because in most leagues the top and bottom clubs are close enough to each other in terms of talent that the minnows can keep the outcome somewhat respectable.

Major League Soccer is a league that thrives on parity. The convoluted financial regulations keep all the teams spending roughly similar amounts and therefore with roughly similar talent levels.

Everyone knows the Champions League song, but not many folks know that it has lyrics and verses. 

These are the lyrics, which I am not making up:

They are the best teams

They are the best teams

The main event

There’s an immediate hot take available here that I just can’t commit myself to: the departure of Neymar from Barcelona has had an uplifting effect on 33-year-old midfielder Andres Iniesta, and El Ilusionista is about to enjoy the consummate season because of a mixture of peak footballing intelligence and a proverbial unchaining on the left-hand side of Barca’s midfield.

Juventus arrived at the 2016-17 Champions League Final having surrendered only three goals in 12 matches. Thanks in large part to Lionel Messi, that total was matched in the 2017-18 edition of the competition after only one match, or 69 minutes to be precise.

Messi scored a fantastic brace and Ivan Rakitic added one of his own as Barcelona throttled an under-strength Juventus 3-0 at the Camp Nou to begin Champions League group play.

“What does a soccer captain do?” you typed into the search engine named Google. Here’s your answer in the form of 23-year-old Newcastle United center back Jamaal Lascelles. The Englishman skippered Newcastle’s return to the Premier League, and now he’s earned the Magpies a vital victory over Swansea City with a heartfelt block and buccaneering header.

Paris Saint-Germain almost broke the internet on Friday by announcing a starting XI against Metz that took all of the world’s money to assemble, including Neymar ($263M), Kylian Mbappe ($220M), Edinson Cavani ($77M) and Julian Draxler ($48M). Metz, by comparison, turned to Newcastle United flop Emmanuel Riviere. 

For the first time since 2006, Saudi Arabia will be in the World Cup. The Green Falcons, having missed out on the last two tournaments, will return to the world stage after a 1-0 win over already qualified Japan on Tuesday. 

Booby Wood, on as a 73rd minute substitute for Darlington Nagbe, salvaged a point for the USMNT against Honduras by scoring his nation’s lone goal in the 85th minute. It took a superbly struck Kellyn Acosta free kick to trouble the staunch Honduran defense, and Wood was on hand to keep the U.S. in the automatic qualifying places — at least for now.

A Panama victory over Trinidad and Tobago later tonight would see the U.S. drop to fourth in the Hex, the spot that necessitates a dreaded inter-confederation playoff with Asia to determine who advances to Russia.

Everyone loves a good dog. Especially when he brings goals. 

Moments after a dog wandered onto the pitch in the World Cup qualifier between Colombia and Brazil, Willian opened the scoring with a beautiful goal in a 1-1 draw between the two teams who came into the match atop the CONMEBOL standings. 

A dog entering the field during Colombia - Brazil  pic.twitter.com/abEH1bZnVB

A 1-0 defeat to Serbia in Dublin has all but destroyed the Republic of Ireland’s World Cup dream following a dire 1-1 draw with Georgia on Saturday — it's safe to say it's been a disastrous week of qualifying for the Boys in Green. For Serbia, Aleksandar Kolarov’s 55th-minute strike has put them in firm control of securing automatic qualification from UEFA’s Group D with two matches to play.