Goals

Ever wondered who the top scorers in EPL history are? We've collected the top 25 scorers, how many goals they scored and the teams they played for in the EPL.

1. Alan Shearer: 260 goals (Newcastle, Blackburn Rovers and Southampton)

2. Andy Cole: 188 goals (Arsenal, Fulham, Newcastle, Manchester United, Blackburn Rovers, Manchester City, Portsmouth, Sunderland, Nottingham Forest)

3. Wayne Rooney: 187 goals (Everton, Manchester United)

4. Frank Lampard: 176 goals (West Ham, Chelsea, Manchester City)

5. Thierry Henry 175 goals (Arsenal)

The Premier League returned from its first international break with a vengeance: you had Anthony Martial becoming the reincarnation of Thierry Henry against Liverpool; Chelsea going full crisis; and, of course, West Ham providing some hot Monday Night Football action: 

So, it turns out that when Barcelona isn’t kicking out it’s youth prospects because of it’s shady dealings, those youth prospects have an absolute blast playing soccer. And who wouldn’t when, at the age of 11, you can already do cooler s*** on the pitch than the vast majority of the world? 

Virgil Gomis is a name that we hadn't heard of before this morning. After having seen this video, though, we will likely not forget it for a while. We will certainly be on the lookout for it in the coming years as we follow the EPL, because, man, how can a person who can do this be stuck on a youth team that doesn't even play in the first division?

He will likely not be mired on Nottingham Forest's U-18 team for much longer, because he scored the goal of his life (which would be the goal of most players lives, really) to win against Ipswich Town's U-18 team, 3-2.

Nothing reminds you more of how you could never make it as a professional footballer than moseying on over to your local park and taking a few long shots. First, you’ll notice how incredibly inaccurate you are, and how incredibly frustrating it can be to get the ball to do what you want it to do: you mean to bend it far post and high but it goes near post and low; you go for power and just send it straight at the keeper’s chest. You try to chip it and, well, you most definitely do not succeed.

Siphiwe Tshabalala, owner of one of the world's most enjoyable-to-say names, scorer of the opening goal of the 2010 World Cup, has gone and scored one of the most absurd goals we have seen since...well, in a while.

Hoo, boy! What a rip.

We don't really have anything to add, save our love of saying "Tshabalala."

Tshabalala.

Tshabalala.

Sheffield Wednesday isn't a name people generally associate with amazing goals, and Marco Matias is a name that most people likely haven't even heard of, but Marco Matias scored a contender for goal of the year in Sheffield Wednesday's 1-1 draw with Leeds United.

Evidently the match had been fairly pedestrian before the goal, so match attendees should be glad Matias was there to make sure they got their money's worth.

When we were 12 years old, we were just satisfied with putting the ball in the back of the net, no matter how it happened. Honestly, we were six years away from playing soccer like bees play tag. In the rare instance that one of us scored something that took any amount of skill, we we’re f***ing pumped.