Game Recaps

While the dirty brainwashed masses were enraptured by the spectacle of Juventus-Real Madrid, the real soccer fans, the true connoisseurs, were focused on Sevilla-Bayern Munich.

If we’ve just witnessed Gianluigi Buffon’s final UEFA Champions League game, it was somewhat fitting given the plethora of fresh hells this competition has provided him with over the years. For half an hour, it looked like the footballing gods were finally smiling upon Italy’s favorite son — Juventus had miraculously turned around a three-goal deficit at the Bernabeu, and Buffon had recorded five vital saves to make it happen.

Toronto FC are in the final of the Concacaf Champions League, where they will face Chivas Guadalajara, after fighting Club America to a 1-1 draw at Estadio Azteca to brush past the Mexican powerhouse 4-1 on aggregate.

Despite an early injury to Jozy Altidore that caused the striker to leave the game, Toronto struck first via Jonathan Osorio.

An extremely strong contingent of Guadalajara supporters inside Red Bull Arena watched their side hang on for the narrowest of victories on Tuesday night, Chivas doing just enough to retain their 1-0 first leg advantage over New York in the CONCACAF Champions League semifinals despite being outshot 20-1 in the second. 

It’s no secret: as Messi goes, so too does Barcelona. Accordingly, the Catalan side’s shock elimination to Roma in the Champions League quarterfinals — Roma pulling off an incredible three-goal comeback to win 4-4 on aggregate via an away goal — isn’t all that shocking.

Who are we kidding, it's f*cking insane.  

The Italian side nullified the world’s best player over 180 minutes of action and thoroughly outplayed the runaway La Liga leaders at the Stadio Olimpico on Tuesday night. 

You have to feel a little bad for Leganes. No one was going to stop Lionel Messi on Saturday. You also have to feel bad for anyone who doesn’t like Ray Hudson, because he was in full form as well. Barcelona inched closer to the LaLiga title with a 3-1 win over Leganes at the Camp Nou thanks to a Lionel Messi hat trick.

The Blaugrana moved 12 points above Atletico Madrid, which plays rival Real Madrid on Sunday. 

Poor Leganes tried everything to slow Messi down, but, as is often the case, it was just Messi’s day.

From coronation to capitulation in about 99 seconds. Paul Pogba scored two goals in less than two minutes and Manchester City went from cruising to the title to a second consecutive embarrassing defeat as Manchester United claimed an incredible Manchester Derby victory 3-2 on Saturday at the Etihad. 

An early goal from Mallory Pugh, followed by an Alex Morgan brace and Carli Lloyd’s 99th USWNT goal led to a 4-1 U.S. friendly victory over Mexico Thursday night in Jacksonville, Florida. Katie Johnson pulled one back for El Tri with a nice chip, but the U.S. showed why they’re the overwhelming favorites at next October’s CONCACAF Women’s Championship.

I am still scared of the second leg.

Liverpool ran rampant over Manchester City Wednesday at Anfield, bringing a 3-0 advantage into the second leg next week at the Etihad. No player could be said to have had a bad game. The team worked as a cohesive unit, like a Swiss watch. Manchester City did not even have a shot on target and looked nigh-helpless against the Reds.

But I am worried about the second leg.

Look at this silliness: