John Terry is a dick.
This is not a particularly controversial opinion to have, more of an accepted notion that pretty much everyone on earth who is not a Chelsea supporter believes (and even the Chelsea supporters know this, deep down in the bowels of their consciousnesses.)
Why is John Terry a dick? To borrow a line from the United States Declaration of Independence, we hold this truth to be self-evident. I mean, just look at the guy.
John Terry's Punchable Face
No, John Terry, not thumbs up. Thumbs down. Photo: @EvilFootball | Twitter
Don't you want to punch him? I want to punch him. John Terry has attached to his head either the most or second-most punchable face in the Premier League, depending on how you feel about Eden Hazard.
And it's not just his face that's punchable; his actions are just as punchable as his looks.
Damn John Terry pic.twitter.com/UMGYAfFxDY
— SPENCER HALL (@edsbs) February 9, 2016
This is, of course, taken out of context. John Terry didn't perpetrate 9/11. As far as we know.
Terry's most famous transgression is when he may or may not have (emphasis on "may have") slept with England teammate Wayne Bridge's then-girlfriend. And I would delve more into John Terry's history as a dick but this case sums it up quite well, so I feel I don't have to.
I'm burying the lede here, which is this: the Premier League will be better off without John Terry.
Terry said a few weeks ago that Chelsea will not be renewing his contract, although you can't believe anything you hear in regards to Premier League player moves until they actually happen.
But, assuming the deal goes through, Terry leaving England for somewhere else would be a good thing for both Chelsea and the Premier League.
Chelsea would get about 33 percent more likeable (just Hazard and Costa to go before they're not the most disliked team in England) with Terry's departure, and would gain some fun with either uber athletic (and potentially world-class) Frenchman Kurt Zouma or prematurely anointed American Hero Matt Miazga moving into Terry's spot.
As for England, the Three Lions could use a combination of Chelsea's Garry Cahill (nickname: "no, not John Terry, the other one"), Everton's John Stones, Manchester United's Chris Smalling or Phil Jones. Or anyone else, really. Just someone more fun that John Terry.
But where should Terry go after the Premiership? Former Chelsea teammate Frank Lampard ("nickname: no, not Steven Gerrard, the other one") has already offered to pay for Terry's plane ticket to joing Lampard at New York City FC.
This would be a bad move, in my opinion, because this website is based in America and I do not want John Terry's dickishness anywhere nearer to me than absolutely necessary. I vote he goes for obscene amounts of cash in either China or Qatar. Knowing, as we do, that John Terry is a dick, he will probablt take the money. So good for us. And good for him.
Don't get me wrong, I don't wish any ill will toward Terry. I hope he lives a long and happy life and is fulfilled and whatever. And I hope he enjoys himself wherever he goes. I would just prefer that place be somewhere where I don't have to watch him play soccer on television or read (or write) news stories about him. Is that too much to ask?
Like I said, hopefully Terry goes to China or Qatar. That would be the best of both worlds, I think. But, until a decision is made, I have at least the rest of this Premier League season to hate (sports hate, obviously, not real hate) Terry, and I plan on making the most of it.
After that, good riddance, John Terry. You dick.
Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at Klomhaus@The18.com or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus
