5 Reasons You Should Play Backyard Soccer On Thanksgiving Instead Of Football

Ah, Thanksgiving. You know what that means: IT'S TIME FOR FOOTBAWL. Time for out of shape middle-aged folks to try to play contact sports. What could possibly go wrong?

The Turkey Bowl is a tradition in many American households, but it does cause an awful lot of injuries. What if I told you there was a better way? A way to exercise and have fun without hurting one's self and spending Thanksgiving in the emergency room? That's right, I'm talking about the Turkey Derby: soccer instead of football. And here are five reasons that's a great idea:

You Won't Separate Your Shoulder Diving After Your Little Cousin, Who Is Surprisingly Shifty
football stuff
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You think you have an angle on him but then BAM he gives a little shimmy and leaves you hard on the grass and now your shoulder hurts. Children should not be this hard to tackle!

You Won't Crack Three Ribs Getting Tackled By Your Uncle Who Was A High School Star Until He Blew His Knee Out, And Takes The Game Way Too Seriously
football uncle
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Your uncle is normally a cool guy, but the football game just gets to him and he turns into Bradley Cooper's character in Wedding Crashers.

The man must be stopped but everyone is too afraid of the bloodlust to talk to him.

The Cousin You Don't Really Like Won't "Accidentally" Drill You Right In The Nose With The Football
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Your Dad Won't Tell You To "Go Deep" And Then Fake You Out Without Throwing You The Ball
football dad
matthewennisphotography | iStock

He thinks it's the funniest thing ever, and he does it year after year, without fail. He probably can't even throw that far anymore.

You Won't Trip Over The Dog While Running A Post Route And Crack Your Head Open
Football dog
alexel_tm | iStock

The worst part is all your relatives are more concerned about the dog than they are about you.

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