When most mere mortals are out playing in the streets, they’ll casually yell something like “Pogba!” or “Ronaldo!” when completing some audacious pass or string of step-overs. But if you, like me, are invincible and legend, you’ll scream “Zusi!” or “Andy Carroll!” or “wee Joe Allen!” when you get stuck in or while you're riding the pine. These are proper footballers, conjoined by one common thread: They all have spectacular man buns (Zusi used to, but now he’s a giant fraud).
Anyway, your game on the streets just got a whole lot more visceral — you’re gonna feel it in your loins — because you can now totally embody the game’s biggest stars by ordering a clip-on man bun. As that Men’s Wearhouse guy would say, you’re gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it.
You can get your bun in brown, black or blonde, but you can’t be ginger prince Paul Scholes + man bun. That's a damn shame.
Regardless, it’s only $8 from BlueCrate.com! Just get one for a friend, they'll LOVE IT!
Here are some proper man bun footballer looks that you can emulate out there.
Joe Allen’s Little Spice Of Life
You would look great like this. Photo: @CZazzera | Twitter
Zlatan Ibrahimovic Ninja Warrior
Andy Carroll’s Braids-To-Bun
Intricate but totally worth it. Photo: @WestHamFZ | Twitter
Graham Zusi’s Salad Bar
You'd be smiling too with such a bun. Photo: @wickie72 | Twitter
Marko Arnautovic’s Coleslaw
He may have a man bun, but he's still a hard man. Photo: @MUFC_exclusive | Twitter
David Beckham’s I Live In Spain Now
The Bunfather Photo: @maggiedaniels0 | Twitter
Loris Karius Slightly Concussed Bun
The bun will atone for those errors. Photo: @GuidettiPasta | Twitter
Gareth Bale’s Chef-d’oeuvre
Man's bun is a man's bun. Photo: @GuidettiPasta | Twitter