Stressful Holidays? Here’s Two Minutes Of Soothing Dennis Bergkamp Touches
New Year’s Eve is approaching, so it’s time to get all stressed out about having the best time ever while throwing up Smirnoff Ice in the toilet or whatever. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the holiday season, but it’s also extremely likely that you’ve suffered your share of anxiety due to travel, a damning inability to properly give justice to your own existence and personal beliefs over dinner conversation and the realization that another 365-day period has been spent slaving over inconsequential tedium in the face of death, which you’ll inevitably experience entirely alone.
But don’t worry, Dutch master Dennis Bergkamp — he of Inter, Ajax and primarily Arsenal fame — is here to assuage your worries as he spends two minutes acting as the human embodiment of a pillow.
Rest your weary head on the cushions of Bergkamp’s feet, and feel the awesome and tragic essence of art that gives life such an uplifting poignancy. Also, turn off the music because it’s unsettling and unfit for the corresponding images.
The unbelievable touch of Dennis Bergkamp. pic.twitter.com/H38n7imQje— 90s Football (@90sfootball) December 28, 2017
Do you feel better now? Good. Now delete all your social media accounts, rid yourself of everything that induces anguish in your life and live like Bergkamp. To paraphrase Arsene Wenger, Bergkamp only needed one touch to score when others needed two, three or four. That’s a principle you can apply to life.