Bitter Englishman: Soccer Parent Stereotypes

It’s Fall and once again football fields are being filled with youngsters playing the beautiful game. While the Bitter Englishman loves to see kids playing soccer, I absolutely hate the stereotypical soccer parent. You know the ones I’m talking about — the soccer moms and dads who annoy everyone else at the park, sucking away the joy of youth soccer one outburst at a time.

First, you’ve got the wannabe coach, the parent who thinks they know more than the team’s coach. These imitators are constantly telling players to do things that might be against what the real coach wants.

Worse than that is the parent who knows nothing about soccer but screams ridiculous instructions at their kid. “Get the ball!” “Run!” “Have it!” These are the type of shouts that make the players on the pitch cringe.

Of course that leads us to the cringer, the parent who recoils in vicarious pain every time their kid gets anywhere close to receiving contact from another player or the ball. These parents need to just let go and let their kids have some fun.

But that doesn’t beat the screamer, the parent who just yells at the top of their lungs for the entire match, not letting anyone get some much-needed shuteye during the slow moments of those early 8 a.m. kickoffs.

And my least favorite of all is the idiot who’s always yelling at the referee. Let me explain something to everyone: The fine folks who choose to referee have better things to do than listen to some self-absorbed ranting parent. They might make some bad calls now and again, but they’re trying their hardest so just shut the hell up and let them ref.

Chances are if you spend any time at a youth football field this season you’ll run into a handful of these stereotypical parents. This season, don’t be a stereotype. Just be a parent.

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