Hi, and welcome to Canada! We’re sooorry about what happened in your general election, but don’t say we didn’t warn you — what, with your love of s***-kickers and deking social responsibility. We gave the world Justin Bieber, sure, but you’ve responded in turn with your new president — I wouldn’t say that we’re even. Just admit that you made a massive mistake in leaving the monarchy, and we’ll leave it at that.
Antonio Ferreira received a straight red card for ‘shielding’ the ball from a defender, relying a little too heavily on his elbow to maintain possession. That was only the beginning of the violence from Ferreira, with the Mirassol Futebol Clube defender going absolutely mental after receiving his marching orders.
It’s supposed to be pretty straightforward — the ball goes out of play, your job is to return it to play as soon as possible. Your reward? A front-row ticket to watch your heroes up close and personal. You might even be credited with an assist for your actions.
The Harvard men’s soccer team has been suspended for the remainder of the season by the University following an investigation over an appalling "scouting report" that ranked women’s team players.
Though Montreal Impact coach Mauro Biello has yet to admit it, Didier Drogba has turned his back on his teammates. After losing his starting role to newcomer Matteo Mancosu, the former Chelsea star has only managed 10 goals in 22 games this season, Drogba only played in four of the team’s final seven games; starting two and coming off the bench in two more.
16-year-old high school goalkeeper Reuben Nsemoh underwent a terrifying ordeal as a result of a concussion he suffered while playing soccer.
The sophomore ended up in a coma after being kicked in the head during a game. Check out the footage below.
In a completely unsubstantiated but hilarious occurrence, we’ve caught wind of a recent development regarding South African international striker Tokelo Rantie.
Fenerbahce's Europa League trip to Manchester took an interesting turn when the team's plane hit a bird and had to land in Budapest, Hungary.
The team, which features former Premier-Leaguers Robin van Persie and Martin Skrtel, posted this on Twitter:
A matchday chef for Bristol Rovers vs. Gillingham this weekend learned the hard way that you should watch what you post on Facebook.
The chef, an admitted Bristol City fan, posted this gem (apparently deleted) on Facebook:
At work.. think am going to poison the whole lot of rovers fan today.. can’t be bothered to cook everything is going to be undercooked today.. how many people going to have the shits … Best news is am in the away end.. so no looking a inbreed (redacted) here the view I got for the next 7 hours…
Mariga Eugenia Rocca, a female assistant referee whose experience includes multiple Olympic Games and Women’s World Cups, has reported being struck in the back of the neck by a player while officiating a men’s fourth division game in Argentina.
The Argentina Referee Association is backing Rocca’s claims and has submitted a report to the Argentina Football Association for their review.