WTF

Norwegian player scores screamer and says he’s going home to jerk off in postgame interview

A postgame quote from Norwegian and Rosenborg striker Ole Saeter went viral after he said he planned to go home with his phone in one hand and his privates in the other.

Saeter, 28, opened Rosenborg’s season off with a bang scoring a blistering goal from long-range. His side went on to win 2-0 with the second goal coming late in the game.

Watch: Player in El Salvador replaces shin guards with styrofoam cups mid-game

A Trinidad player in El Salvador has taken the modern world’s small-shin-guard-trend to a whole other level, using foam cups as protection in a professional game.

Player uses styrofoam cups as shin guards

Jomal Williams, a Trinidad and Tobago attacker playing for L.A. Firpo in El Salvador, made headlines on Sunday after TV broadcast cameras caught the player replacing his shinguards for half-cut styrofoam cups before the start to a game.

The manager, Gabriel Álvarez, was giving him game instructions while he made the incredible switch.

Watch: Player accidentally nails two of his teammates in the head during free kick

The Scottish Premiership produced one of the most insane and hilarious bloopers we’ve seen in a professional game in a long time. A Hibs free kick fail during Saturday’s game vs. Rangers saw a player take out two of his teammates.

Australian and Hibernian defender Nectarios Triantis etched himself into YouTube “Biggest football FAILS” lore when he accidentally blasted the ball into a teammate’s head during a free kick five minutes into the game.

Watch: Folarin Balogun forces humorous goalkeeper error and scores easiest goal of his career

AS Monaco and United States men’s national team striker Folarin Balogun got himself on the scoresheet twice during his side’s 5-2 Ligue 1 victory vs. Metz on Saturday.

Balogun’s first goal was scored in bizarre fashion as Metz goalkeeper Alexandre Oukidja lived every keeper’s worst nightmare and got caught on the ball. Balogun, who came on a substitute in the 65th minute, did well to force the mistake and was rewarded with a goal.

They don’t come much easier than this.

Wife of Swedish star Emil Forsberg accuses him of ghosting her and their kids after NYRB move

Sweden international and star New York Red Bulls signing Emil Forsberg has been accused of “ghosting” his wife and children since the transfer from RB Leipzig to Major League Soccer.

Forsberg’s wife, Shanga, took to social media announcing she’s filing for divorce and exposed the 32-year-old of neglecting his family. Shanga and Emil had been in a relationship for 19 years and have two children.

Emil Forsberg wife files for divorce

NPSL club named after a Mexican restaurant defeat Portland Timbers II in U.S. Open Cup

The U.S. Open Cup just gave us another showing of why all American clubs should continue competing against each other. Cough, cough, MLS.

This week saw the return of the fan-favorite Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup with teams from the USL League One/Two, NISA and MLS Next Pro competing in the first round of the tournament.

Watch: Commentator doesn’t realize his mic has autotune enabled and gives epic goal call

The wonders of autotune have forever changed the music landscape, now it’s made its way to the broadcasting scene. 

In a hilarious video a commentator in Argentina didn’t realize autotune was turned on while calling an Argentina Reserve League game.

Excursionistas opened the scoring with a great cross and finish, but this goal will always be remembered for the autoned commentary.

Argentina autotune goal commentary

Watch: Raheem Sterling’s free kick vs. Leicester City somehow gets worse with every new angle

The Raheem Sterling free kick vs Leicester City from Chelsea’s 4-2 FA Cup quarterfinal victory went viral due to how awful it was. We’re not exaggerating when we say this could be the worst free kick of all time.

In the 75th minute with the game tied at 2-2, Sterling was presented with a free kick just outside of the Foxes’ box. A major opportunity for the Blues.

Getting the ball up and over the wall but still on target isn’t easy from that close, but Sterling was prepared. He confidently stepped up, smashed the ball and then probably knocked someone out in the 25th row.

Fenerbahce considering withdrawing from Turkey’s top flight after players attacked by opposing fans

Fenerbahce will consider withdrawing from the Turkish top flight after some of their players were attacked by Trabzonspor fans following their weekend away win, the Super Lig club said on Monday.

Trabzonspor supporters stormed the pitch and brawled with security forces and Fenerbahce players after their team lost 3-2 on Sunday in the latest incident in a league that has been marred by controversy this season.

Fenerbahce fight with Trabzonspor fans

FOX shows it hates soccer and cuts to college basketball during Concacaf Champions Cup game

Watching soccer in the United States has never been easier with a litany of streaming options and different companies showing games. One company that lags behind the rest is FOX and it was never more evident than Thursday night.

FC Cincinnati and Liga MX side Monterrey faced off in a tight Champions Cup Round of 16 contest on Thursday. The game was the second leg with the Mexican side entering up 1-0.

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