Life comes at you fast. One second, you're absentmindedly kicking a soccer ball. The next, you're annihilated by some hooligan on a rope swing yelling "COWABUNGA!"
(I assume the person on the rope swing was yeling "COWABUNGA!" because that's just what you yell when you're on a rope swing)
A joint effort between the Japanese and Spanish has seen the first footballer successfully launched into space. Takashi Inui, a Japanese international and midfielder for Eibar, rocketed to infinity and beyond with the help of Spanish goalkeeper Iago Herrerin.
According to our planisphere star chart, Inui is currently near Mars’s moon Phobos, taking pictures of the Martian planet’s polar ice caps. He will hopefully return to Earth in time for Eibar’s next match against against Sporting in the Spanish Cup.
Jamie Vardy’s dismissal on Saturday for his lunge on Mame Biram Diouf was predicated on everything but the tackle itself. Having lost the ball to Glen Johnson in the buildup, that particular spirit that invokes images of Skittles Vodka and murmurs of “Chat Shit Get Banged” could be felt through televisions around the globe: Vardy, looking like Pokemon’s Rattata with Red Bull coursing through his mouse veins, was probably about to do something he’d regret.
We know it as “The Beautiful Game”; We acclaim the footballing artists who offer us an escape from our mundane lives and jobs. With their magical skills, they dazzle and leave audiences of millions in awe.
Of the many beautiful aspects of the game, the dribble might just be the most singular of traits — one that only the truly gifted possess. People of yesteryear worshiped the likes of Maradona and Garrincha for what they could do with the ball.
Everyone’s got a soft spot in their heart for AS Roma, apart from Lazio supporters of course. The club represents the Eternal City, the Italian capital with a history spanning more than two and a half thousand years. Its standing as one of the birthplaces of Western civilization makes anyone’s three-day visit turn into conversational fodder for the rest of their lifetime.
It sucks to be Romeo Parkes right now. The Pittsburgh Riverhounds’ leading scorer just got his contract terminated; he’s fired, something that you rarely hear about in the world of sports. Suspensions, yes. Fines, all of the time, but straight up contract termination is a step above the punishments you normally hear about. Parkes arguably deserved his termination as well.
The Chelsea vs. Tottenham 2-2 draw was significant in that it handed Leicester City the title, but even if that outcome had not come to pass, the game itself was still a classic for the ages. It was a blood-and-thunder, old school derby. It was the kind of game that Manchester United and Liverpool used to produce back when those teams actually had players who cared about the occasion.
What is it about terrible tackles that fascinate us so much? Do we actually like violence or is it more like a car crash that we just can't look away from? Maybe we're attracted to controversy or perhaps we can't help but be fascinated by the dark side of our beloved sport, much like villains in movies are often the most memorable characters.