Liverpool

Liverpool are having a miserable season, but there is a silver lining behind their ninth-placed cloud. That metaphor is particularly apt in regards to Liverpool fans because clouds are a major part of storms, which Liverpool fans find themselves walking through with their heads held high. 

AND DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK...

Sorry, we got a little carried away there. But it is pretty much a universal truth that miserable people sing the best songs, and with the likes of Christian Benteke and Simon Mignolet in the squad, Liverpool fans are singing pretty well right now.

The Arsenal-Liverpool game from the other day was exciting. More exciting than Chipotle’s secret menu even (yes it’s a thing — supposedly there’s something called a Burritodilla). It had goals, crunching tackles, endless drama, and that classic England atmosphere of perpetual rain. But even better than the show on the field was Jurgen Klopp’s celebration off it.

Today was the Liverpool vs. Arsenal match, which holds a special place in The18's heart because two of our staff writers, Sam Klomhaus and Ivan Anich, are diehard fans of Liverpool and Arsenal, respectively. We made them watch the game together (plus a few cameos from Connor the intern), and hilarity ensued. Here's what transpired (Liverpool in italics, Arsenal regular):

Liverpool’s lineup: Mignolet; Clyne, Toure, Sakho, Moreno; Can, Milner, Henderson; Lallana, Firmino, Ibe

So far this season, Liverpool FC have dominated Manchester City at Manchester City, done the same thing to Chelsea, been the first team to hold Leicester City scoreless, gone to penalties with a fourth division team, lost twice to West Ham, beat Southampton 6-1 and lost to Newcastle at home.

In short, Liverpool's season makes no sense. At least, that's what we thought. And then we found this video of Martin Skrtel wearing a mechanical turkey hat. And everything made sense.

Former Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has admitted to losing sleep and phoning Tonya Harding for advice over Liverpool’s appointment of Jurgen Klopp as manager. Well...maybe not. If Ferguson has been watching recent United matches, he’s not having any trouble sleeping. He might have Tonya's mobile number, though.

*Warning to readers with even a shred of dignity: do not read any further if you are offended by any and/or all references to Steven Gerrard's penis. Thank you.

Chapter six of Steven Gerrard's new book, "My Story," starts like this:

"The magic of the FA Cup was ruined the day my penis was bloodied and then stitched shut on an unromantic night in Bournemouth."

I like to imagine somewhere in Merseyside this week, Brendan Rodgers and Jurgen Klopp met at Liverpool Lime Street, at the train station, and had a cup of coffee. In my head the conversation was light and mostly not about soccer. Something like this:

Klopp laughs a shushed laugh at one of Rodgers’s stories about Jose Mourinho from his time at Chelsea, and then there’s a natural pause in the smooth, flowing conversation. This is uncomfortable for both men.

Rodgers: “This is a really good club, you know.”