Highlights

You just knew Zlatan was going to do something special when it was announced he would play against his first professional club, Malmo FF, in the Champions League group stage. It was never going to be otherwise. 

Sure enough, with PSG up 1-0 thanks to a magic di Maria goal in the fourth minute, Zlatan delivered, with a tricky flick on to a cross that eventually found its way to Edinson Cavani's head, from where it found its way to the back of the net. 

Before today, Cristiano Ronaldo had 77 goals in the Champions League. Lionel Messi had 77 goals in the Champions League.

Now, Cristiano Ronaldo has 80 goals in the Champions League after converting a second-half hat trick that saw the Portuguese winger bury two penalties against Shakhtar Donetsk, and finish the whole thing off with a header off a rebound.

Messi still has 77 goals, but he doesn't play until tomorrow. Until then we will be giddy with anticipation, because Messi is no stranger to hat tricks himself.

What a day it was to be a Seattle reign substitute.

After a scoreless first half that saw Seattle putting all kinds of pressure on the Washington Spirit, Seattle kept pressing. When Beverly Yanez entered the game as a sub, that pressing paid off. Yanez's first touch on the end of a Megan Rapinoe cross broke the deadlock and it was all Seattle from there. 

A few minutes after Yanez's goal, Rapinoe got behind the defense and scored a goal of her own. 

The Chicago Red Stars just didn't have an anwer for Kansas City's Amy Rodriguez Sunday.

Kansas City scored three goals in the first 25 minutes of Sunday's NWSL semifinal and coasted 3-0 into the final. 

Two of those three were via Rodriguez, the first coming in the 12th minute, Rodriguez capitalizing on a goalkeeper blunder, and the second coming in the 12th minute after Rodriguez used a nifty move to spring herself for a breakaway.

Kansas City's other goalscorer  was Erika Tymrak, who knew just what to do with an excellent Heather O'Reilly ball in the 21st minute.

The USMNT's prospects for winning the Confederations Cup playoff next month against Mexico are not looking very good, if the team's form against Brazil Tuesday is any indication. Brazil annihilated the USMNT 4-1 behind two goals from Neymar. This is a result that demands a bit of wild speculation, which we are only too happy to deliver, in the form of positive and negative takeaways from the game.

There were quite a few negatives. Here are three.

Does Jurgen Klinsmann have any idea what he's doing?

Virgil Gomis is a name that we hadn't heard of before this morning. After having seen this video, though, we will likely not forget it for a while. We will certainly be on the lookout for it in the coming years as we follow the EPL, because, man, how can a person who can do this be stuck on a youth team that doesn't even play in the first division?

He will likely not be mired on Nottingham Forest's U-18 team for much longer, because he scored the goal of his life (which would be the goal of most players lives, really) to win against Ipswich Town's U-18 team, 3-2.

If the rest of Didier Drogba's MLS tenure is anything like his first start, the league better hold onto its hat.

Drogba scored three times in his first start for the Montreal Impact (he's made one appearance off the bench), and looked by and large like the prolific scorer he was for Chelsea and the Ivory Coast National Team. 

The outburst came against the Chicago Fire, the MLS team that first acquired Drogba's rights before trading him to Montreal. The 37-year-old's hat trick helped the Impact to a 4-3 victory against the Fire.

The college soccer season is just beginning, but South Carolina's Jeffrey Torda is off to a great start.

Torda scored a sublime scissor-kick goal to put South Carolina up 3-2 on Georgia Southern (they would go on to win 4-0).

The play was the number two selection on SportsCenter's Top 10 Plays, and for good reason. What a rip. 

Just in case you forgot how good James Rodriguez is, here's a little reminder.

The baby-faced Colombian attacking mid scored two golazos against Real Betis this weekend.

The first was an absurdly-angled free kick that bent just around the outstretched fingertips of Betis's keeper.

The second  was an overhead kick that must be seen to believe.

Keep up the good work, James.

Siphiwe Tshabalala, owner of one of the world's most enjoyable-to-say names, scorer of the opening goal of the 2010 World Cup, has gone and scored one of the most absurd goals we have seen since...well, in a while.

Hoo, boy! What a rip.

We don't really have anything to add, save our love of saying "Tshabalala."

Tshabalala.

Tshabalala.