Goals

Watch This Goalie Score From A Punt In The Most Agonizing Way Possible

This poor kid from North Korea experiences enough tragedy and woe and heartbreak in this 42-second video to fill a Russian novel. Let's trace his journey.

First, the goalie appears. Then the ball appears. The ball is nowhere near the goalie. This confuses him and he starts running for the ball. But then he hesitates. Is this really what he wants? To get the ball? Or is it already too late. No, he decides. It's not too late. Besides, Kim Jong Un will probably be mad at me if I don't try hard, he reasons. You know how Kim Jon Un gets.

Christian Benteke Is Doomed To Live Out His Days In Romelu Lukaku’s Shadow

Standing at 6’3’’ and built like brick s***houses, Christian Benteke and Romelu Lukaku both share a distinct ability to absolutely boss center-backs. Both are charged with doing as much for their club sides, Everton and Crystal Palace.

On Friday night, the two players went head to head in a match surely watched by Belgium manager Roberto Martinez and his assistant Thierry Henry. While the two strikers share some qualities, they’re incredibly different in their approach play.

The Mario Balotelli Redemption Train Is Rolling With Another Goal

All aboard the Mario Balotelli redemption tour 2016 bandwagon. Don't be shy, there's plenty of room.

Balotelli scored again Thursday in Nice's Europa League loss to Krasnodar, giving the Italian five goals in four matches so far this season.

This Volley Is The Most Violent Shot You'll See All Year

You hear it all the time — soccer is full of violence. There are nutters in the stands, fanatics and ultras that just want to light flares, sing songs and attack each other. There’s a bunch of madmen out on the pitch, raking each others shins and accumulating yellow and red cards for violent conduct.

It’s a gentleman’s game played by hooligans.

Nowhere is this stereotype better served than in this video depicting a sickening level of violence between Wurzburger and Dynamo Dresden in the German second division.

Chicharito's 100th European Goal Helps Bayer Leverkusen To Draw vs. Monaco

Chicharito scored a hat-trick this weekend in the Bundesliga, so we were on the edge of our seats with regards to what he might do in the Champions League.

He delivered with a goal.

USMNT Midfielder Alejandro Bedoya Scores MLS Goal Of The Year Contender

Alejandro Bedoya has always been something of an enigma for United States National Team supporters. This primarily stems from the 29-year-old's decision to play abroad right after college — neglecting to enter the MLS SuperDraft.

Bedoya spent his time abroad in Sweden, Scotland and France, making his performances largely unwatchable apart from the occasional highlight reel. Compounding the mysterious qualities of Bedoya is Jurgen Klinsmann’s deployment of the natural attacking midfielder or winger in a variety of roles.

Neymar And Luis Suarez Lead Messi-Less Barcelona To 5-0 Romp Over Sporting Gijon

Barcelona traveled to Gijon on Saturday for a difficult match against Sporting. Barcelona made their travels without Lionel Messi, who will be sidelined for three weeks with a groin injury suffered against Atletico Madrid on Wednesday.

In his stead, Neymar and Luis Suarez inspired their side to a resounding 5-0 victory. Neymar registered a brace and Luis Suarez scored Barca's opening goal in the 29th minute.

DeAndre Yedlin Unplayable In First Newcastle United League Start

Newcastle United manager Rafa Benitez’s preference for the tactically astute Vernon Anita at right-back has made league minutes tough to come by for DeAndre Yedlin. However, a three-match suspension for Anita opened the door for the 23-year-old American.

Yedlin was preferred to the Spaniard Jesus Gamez on Saturday for Newcastle’s league encounter with Aston Villa. The American seized his opportunity with a man of the match display but was unfortunately subbed off due to an apparent ankle injury in the 73rd minute.

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