Game Recaps

Marouane Fellaini’s Chest Defrosts An Otherwise Frozen Affair In Rostov-on-Don

The Олимп-2 pitch in Rostov-on-Don was frozen. It was wonderfully patchy and Jose Mourinho wondered if you could even call it a field at all. His desire to have the venue changed was laughed off by a UEFA official, Mourinho claiming the official told him “the players are insured, so if something happens, no problem.”

Pepe Reina, The Save And A Leak On The Corner Flag Highlight Serie A's Race For Second Place

The fight for second place in Serie A is serious business. Roma and Napoli are not fighting solely for the privilege of finishing behind Juventus, but battling to avoid a Champions League playoff qualifying spot. So bad is the history of Italian teams in the playoff rounds that Italy has, more often than not in recent years, only had two representatives in the group stages of Europe’s premier footballing tournament.

Thus, when Roma and Napoli played one another this weekend, the chance to finish in second was up for grabs.

Barca Players Told Marco Verratti It Was Over After Cavani Goal. Neymar Didn't Get The Message

Before Wednesday’s historic events at the Camp Nou, everyone had agreed that Barcelona would need to play a perfect match to turn the tide against Paris Saint-Germain. They would need to do unto PSG as PSG had done unto them. Sure, Barcelona could score four goals, but could they keep Edinson Cavani, Lucas Moura, Julian Draxler and Angel Di Maria off the scoresheet? 

Christian Pulisic Eviscerates The Portuguese Champions To Send Dortmund Through

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang scored a hat-trick, with two of those strikes being assisted by Christian Pulisic, and the 18-year-old American registered his first Champions League goal as Borussia Dortmund eased past Benfica and into the Champions League quarterfinals, winning 4-1 on aggregate.

Dortmund were kicking themselves after throwing away a number of great opportunities in the first leg and found themselves trailing 1-0 in the tie before today’s match. However, those frustrations were quickly forgotten when Aubameyang opened the scoring in the fourth minute.

The USA Lost 3-0 To France To End The SheBelieves Cup

Ooh. Yikes.

The USWNT's worst home defeat ever, worst defeat overall since 2007, first time losing back to back matches since 2000, everything's the worst, is what we're trying to say.

The good news: the SheBelieves Cup is a made up friendly tournament and objectively does not matter. 

Chapecoense Make History By Winning Their First Copa Libertadores Match

Chapecoense traveled to Venezuela to play their first-ever Copa Libertadores match, having qualified by virtue of winning South America’s secondary club competition, the Copa Sudamericana, in 2016.

Facing Zulia, the runner-up in Venezuela’s 2016 Primera Division, away and with a squad made up mostly of players on loan, players that did not board LaMia Flight 2933 and one survivor, defender Neto, Chapecoense entered the match as massive underdogs. 

But Chapecoense took the lead off a clever free kick from Reinaldo, a defender on loan from Sao Paulo.

Napoli Experience Death By Sergio Ramos’ Head

It all started so beautifully for Napoli inside a rocking Stadio San Paolo in Naples in their second leg match against Real Madrid. A mesmerizing buildup led to a really well taken goal by Dries Mertens in the 24th minute. 

Arsenal! Arsenal!

We love you Arsenal, we do,

We love you Arsenal, we do,

We love you Arsenal, we do,

Oh Arsenal we love you!

Chelsea Scored A Goal So Good A West Ham Fan Tried To Fight Them

Chelsea defeated West Ham on Monday to go 10 points clear at the top of the table with only 11 matches remaining. With Eden Hazard playing out of his goddamn mind, Diego Costa constantly threatening in every sense of the word and N’Golo Kante bossing things in front of the formidable pairing of David Luiz and Gary Cahill, the title race is over.

Harry Kane Keeps Premier League Title Race Alive With A 30-Yard Bomb

From a neutral’s perspective, thank God for Harry Kane. The Tottenham striker scored his 18th and 19th goals of the campaign to keep a bit of pressure on Chelsea before their match against West Ham on Monday. Tottenham defeated Everton 3-2 on Sunday in a match featuring the Premier League’s leading scorers, Kane and Romelu Lukaku.

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