Game Recaps

The semifinals of the Champions League returned to Monaco’s Stade Louis II for the first time since 2004, and the 18,000+ in attendance would’ve surely expected their side to add to the 16 home Champions League goals they’d already witnessed since the beginning of their campaign.

But a Juventus side that had only given up two goals in this competition, and none throughout the knockout rounds, proved to be an entirely different challenge for Monaco’s goal-crazy attackers.

For all of Real Madrid’s dominance in the first leg of their Champions League semifinal with Atletico Madrid, it looked as though Atleti would escape to the Vicente Calderon with only a one-goal deficit. But then Cristiano Ronaldo happened. And then again. 

Ronaldo scored goals number 101, 102 and 103 to extend his all time record in the Champions League, and Atletico’s inability to grab an away goal, or to really trouble Real for that matter, makes the possibility of a comeback next Wednesday seem extremely farfetched. 

It’s tragic to think about the gross output of the cast of characters in the Manchester derby when bridled with the vast sums of money spent on assembling them. The latest edition of Manchester United vs. Manchester City was a sobering affair that could serve as a harrowing documentary of the wastes of our time.

The 14-point gap separating rivals Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund in the Bundesliga was never going to be a factor here. Even the home advantage Bayern enjoyed at the Allianz Arena in this DFB-Pokal semifinal was no reason to believe that this latest version of Der Klassiker had a clear favorite.

Nine goals. Nine. Four goals for Inter, five for Fiorentina. I think it’s fair to say that no one expected that. Elsewhere, Juventus demolished Genoa with four goals and no reply. Expected. Lazio rumbled right over Palermo, going five-nil up in thirty minutes and finishing the game six to one. Expected. Napoli drew two apiece away at Sassuolo. Not that expected, to be honest, but not that shocking. But Fiorentina five, Inter four? That’s a result that makes you sit up and take notice.

Carli Lloyd’s Champions League ambitions may soon be at an end after Alex Morgan’s Lyon defeated Manchester City 3-1 in the first leg of their Champions League semifinal. City will now need to travel to the Parc Olympique Lyonnais on April 29 to overturn the large deficit.

City and Lloyd got off to the worst possible start in the opening minutes. An attempted Lyon cross was blocked in the box by Lloyd’s elbow, and the referee immediately pointed to the spot. 

Lionel Messi's 500th Barcelona goal was scored in the 91st minute of El Clasico to defeat Real Madrid, 3-2. 

First, a note about the losers: Real Madrid were the better side for most of the game. They were more organized and more aggressive, even snatching an equalizer while playing with 10 men. It looked like Real would win it for a bit there, as they were entirely on the front foot in the latter stages of the game. But Real Madrid did not win this game. They did not win this game because they do not have Lionel Messi, and Barcelona do.

Chelsea await the winner of Sunday’s match between Arsenal and Manchester City to contest the 2017 FA Cup Final after defeating Tottenham 4-2 in the semis. Two first half goals by Willian were canceled out by Harry Kane and Dele Alli, but Eden Hazard scored Chelsea’s match-winner in the 75th minute. Five minutes later, Nemanja Matic secured the victory with one of the best goals you’ll ever see.

The Serbian defensive midfielder hadn’t scored a single goal this year, but his maiden strike was an absolute banger.

Last night Chivas defeated Monarcas de Morelia in a penalty shootout in the Copa MX final.

Highlights of the shootout are below. Come for the penalty shootout, stay for the goalkeeper shenanigans from Miguel Jimenez and Sebastian Sosa. Sosa in particular is hilarious, if mostly ineffective.