HELLO

Bitter Englishman: NFL, Stop Sending Us Your Trash

Dear NFL, stop sending us your trash. Sincerely, London.

This season marked the 12th straight year the NFL has played at least one game in London. 

NFL executives across the pond like to think we Brits care about American football, but really we just turn out for the spectacle once or twice a year and then go back to completely ignoring the barbaric sport. 

We Europeans enjoy a more refined game of Cruyff Turns and Zidane Roulettes, not 300-pound linemen smashing into each other like some daft Russian ultras.

But the NFL keeps cramming the sport down our throats with more and more games in London. We started with one game per season and we’ve devolved into three or four each year. It’s all getting to be a bit too much, because we Brits are just sick and tired of watching this crap of a team you call the Jacksonville Jaguars every year.

The Jaguars have had one winning season in the last decade. One — in a league designed for parity and to allow bad teams to get better. You have to try to be that bad. But every year the NFL has to push the Jags on us like that friend who keeps telling you to listen to her cousin’s band. 

I’m not sure anyone in New England could name a single player for the Jags, let alone England. Does Mark Brunell still play for them? 

When the NFL first started playing in London, we were sent historic teams like the Giants, Patriots, 49ers and Bears. More recently, the Jaguars have played in London each of the last six years and it’s honestly a bit offensive to all Englishmen. Sure, Shahid Khan owns both the Jags and Fulham, but that doesn’t mean we care about the Jags. You don’t see Londoners supporting the LA Rams because Stan Kroenke also owns Arsenal. 

This is like if the Premier League decided to play in America and forced the U.S. to watch Crystal Palace year after year. We Brits would never do that to you Americans; we respect you too much.

So NFL, if you’re listening, reel it back a little on the Jags; this is no way to grow your sport.

But anything’s better than the Cleveland Browns.

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