Tricks

10-Year-Old Messi Was Freaky Good, Like, Freakier Than The Omen

No disrespect to Lionel Messi, but if your 10-year-old kid started doing this one day in the backyard, would you think “Gee, little Jimmy’s sure showing an inclination towards soccer” or would you think “Gee, little Jimmy may literally be the Devil incarnate”?

Based on a genetic family history more prone to madness than to footballing excellence, I’d opt for the latter. No disrespect to Messi, but if my son were doing this, I’d check for a weird birthmark and ask my local priest for seven sacrificial daggers. 

Neymar And Gabriel Jesus Put On An Incredible 5v5 Futsal Skill Show

Brazilian internationals Neymar and Gabriel Jesus put on a show in a Red Bull five-a-side competition this weekend, embarrassing opponents while the Facebook broadcaster embarrassed himself with some truly godawful commentating. 

It’s a difficult job trying hype a competition — and every single thing that happens in it — that’s obviously just for s**ts and giggles, but this guy clearly doesn’t know that Gabriel Jesus isn’t Gabigol — that’s fellow Brazilian Gabriel Barbosa, who plays for Inter Milan. 

Pages