South America

Omar Gonzalez Gets Torched As Pachuca Is Knocked Out Of The Club World Cup

In continuing the theme of 2017 being a sh*t year for U.S. soccer, the lone American at the Club World Cup was at fault for the goal that knocked Mexico’s Pachuca out of the competition on Tuesday at Hazza Bin Zayed Stadium in the UAE. Gremio’s Everton turned Omar Gonzalez inside out before curling in a wonderful shot to give the Brazilian side a 1-0 victory in extra time.

Gonzalez apparently thought he was still playing for the USMNT, perhaps against Trinidad and Tobago. 

Peru’s Paolo Guerrero Tries To Be Maradona, Gets Banned For World Cup

Paolo Guerrero thought he could be Diego Maradona. Now Peru’s captain and all-time leading goal scorer will be suspended for the country’s first World Cup in 36 years. FIFA handed down a 12-month ban to Guerrero for testing positive for a banned stimulant following a CONMEBOL World Cup qualifier, football’s world governing body announced Thursday.

According To Dad, Thiago Messi “Is A Phenomenon,” Mateo “A Son Of A Bitch”

We’ve got it, we’ve pinned down two-year-old Mateo Messi’s future on the pitch. After graduating from La Masia summa cum laude, the phenom will replace a 45-year-old Sergio Busquets in Barcelona’s holding midfield role, because, according to father Lionel, Mateo is “un hijo de puta.” He’s a real mean sumbitch.  

Messi's Statue In Buenos Aires Has Been Vandalized Again

A statue of Lionel Messi in Buenos Aires has been vandalized. The statue, which was erected in June 2016, was cut off at the ankles and removed from its base. Basically, the vandals did what defenders try to do all around the world when they face Messi. And they got away with it because the bronze statue has much slower feet than Messi.

The Full Results Of The 2018 FIFA World Cup Draw

The World Cup draw was completed this morning at the State Kremlin Palace in Moscow with the 32 finalist nations placed into eight groups of four. The 2018 FIFA World Cup will kick off on June 14 at Luzhniki Stadium with a match featuring host-side Russia and Saudi Arabia. We now know the makeup of the entire field for the competition as well as the group stage matches that'll captivate the planet next summer. Here are the full results from the 2018 FIFA World Cup draw. 

Grêmio Wins Copa Libertadores, Sparking Massive Celebrations Back Home In Brazil

Grêmio claimed its third Copa Libertadores title with a 2-1 victory (3-1 aggregate) over Lanús on Wednesday. The Gremio Copa Libertadores victory sparked a wild celebration back home as the Brazilian club rounded out the field for the FIFA Club World Cup, which begins next week.

Fernandinho and Luan both scored in the first half for Grêmio, which held on despite a red card to Ramiro in the 83rd minute. 

Mauro Icardi’s Movement Is Next Level Now And Messi Must Be Loving It

Inter Milan can return to the top of the Serie A table on Saturday with a victory over Cagliari, an achievement heading into December that even the most impassioned of Nerazzurri supporters couldn’t have predicted. The hiring of Luciano Spalletti has been a masterstroke, and an absence of European competition has allowed the side to flourish domestically with largely unchanged personnel in a 4-2-3-1 formation.

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