Opinion

Doucoure Scores With His Hand Because England Is In The Dark Ages

Abdoulaye Doucouré is one cheeky fella. The Watford midfielder took advantage of some poor refereeing and some poor decision-making from the English FA to help earn his team a point with a 2-2 draw. You see, the 90th-minute Doucoure goal vs Southampton was scored with the Frenchman’s hand. 

Yes, it’s still illegal to use your hands if you’re not the goalie. And no, England hasn’t joined the rest of the civilized world by adopting VAR. So yeah, the goal stood, and Southampton is rightly livid. 

NASL Pretends Move To International Calendar Is On Purpose

The NASL, which once boasted such stars as Pelé and, well, Pelé should be enough for you to keep reading this sentence, cannot seem to sort itself out. The league is a mess right now and not even its move to the international calendar should convince you otherwise — in fact, the move is merely propaganda to make you think everything is just fine.

The NASL announced Monday it would move to an August-to-June calendar, one employed by most of Europe and many of the top leagues around the world. 

Arsene Wenger Is More Fun The Older He Gets

The institution that is Arsene Wenger was handed a three-match touchline ban and a $54,250 fine for a confrontation with referee Mike Dean after Arsenal’s 1-1 draw with West Brom on Sunday. The Wenger ban is nothing new for the Frenchman, who served a four-match touchline ban for a similar behavior last year. And Wenger didn’t even deny these accusations, fully admitting to what he said and standing by his criticism. 

Pep Guardiola Says You Prefer To Watch Football Over Reading Stories Like This

Pep Guardiola has it all backwards when it comes to the festive schedule. In a postmatch interview after his side beat Watford 3-1, Manchester City’s manager discussed the busy fixture list and how the English FA doesn’t care about its players. That’s not what we’re taking issue with; we totally agree with that. What we think Guardiola, perhaps the best coach of this generation, is wrong about is why people watch football.

“We’re going to kill them,” Guardiola said of playing two matches in three days. “Here in England they don’t protect their players.”

No Player In The U.S. Pool Deserves His First Cap More Than Stefan Frei

The 2017 MLS Cup Final will be rightly remembered as the crowning achievement on a historic, record-setting season for Toronto FC, but for the second year running, Seattle Sounders goalkeeper Stefan Frei came agonizingly close to writing the script himself — almost literally single-handedly. 

The Gut-Wrenching International Retirement Of Bobby Boswell

Look, we all knew it was coming. He was getting on in years, had lost a step (or eight) of pace and really hasn’t been the same player he was 10 years ago for about 10 years. Nonetheless, Bobby Boswell’s international retirement announcement is the most heartbreaking retirement of 2018. 

The man who scored the winner in a 1-0 victory for the MLS All-Stars against Chelsea in 2006 made the stunning proclamation on Twitter on Tuesday:

Three Japanese Internationals Taking On 100 Kids Proves Children Are Useless

If you learn anything today, please let it be this: Kids are not good at anything. This recent video of 100 children taking on three Japanese internationals will serve as my indisputable evidence.

Hiroshi Kiyotake, Hotaru Yamaguchi and Yosuke Ideguchi faced off against 30 forwards, 30 midfielders, 30 defenders and 10 goalkeepers in a friendly match recently. While the youngsters were well drilled in positional discipline (they refused to be pulled from their defensive stations), their skills left a lot to be desired.

Sergio Busquets Is The Puppet Master And We Are All His Puppets

Did you make a decision today? No. You did not. You think you did, but you didn't. What you thought was a decision made by you was actually made by Sergio Busquets. Busquets is the string-puller, the puppetmaster, the orchestrator. What you thought was fate was actually Sergio Busquets. What you thought was destiny was actually Busquets. There is no such thing as a coincidence. There is only Busquets.

Manchester United’s Official Website Complains Like Jose Mourinho

It’s the festive season in the English Premier League. While most leagues are hibernating for the holidays, the world’s richest league doubles its fixture list. All 20 clubs play an immense amount of games and everyone’s depth is challenged to the limits. But one club is taking particular offense this year, with Manchester United’s official website complaining about fixture congestion.

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