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Jessica Silva Is The Scariest Player In The Dang Universe

If you ever find yourself, as a defender, in a situation in which Jessica Silva has the ball somewhere in the vicinity of the corner flag and you are standing between her and the goal, just give up. Accept that she is going to humiliate you and get on with your life. Move into a cabin in the woods and meditate. Live off the land. Develop a hobby like woodworking. No one can nutmeg you when you're woodworking.

Silva, though, will nutmeg you. She will nutmeg you to death. Here is proof, via Portugal's 2019 World Cup qualifier against Belgium:

Invasion Of The Killer Nutmegs

Nutmegs are among the most brutal ways for a footballer to humiliate an opponent. Something about the act of a football going in between a footballer's legs and geting collected on the other side can leave one drained of one's will to live. The following videos are of nutmegs so ruthless we highly doubt any of the players on the receiving end have ever been seen again.

This is like one of those Oscars "In Memoriam" montages but for footballers.

(Sad piano music plays)

The Most Casual Double Nutmeg Of All-Time Is The Calling Card Of A True Sociopath

Behold, the most nonchalant double nutmeg of all-time. Like a video game hero encountering the first two nameless henchmen on level one, our beloved mad lad wastes these two opponents before they fade off our screen entirely.

All that’s left is our gallant No. 9, who looks like he could either kill you with subtle skills (as below) or just “Gonzalo Higuain Truck You” into the afterlife. He’s built like the nameless beast of AMC’s The Terror. He’s the thing that eats on two legs and four. The thing made of muscles and spells.

Mateo Kovacic Sends Jesus Molina Back To Monterrey With A Foul Skill

A few days ago, Mexico manager Juan Carlos Osorio was lamenting Croatia’s decision to send Luka Modric and Marcelo Brozovic back to Europe ahead of the two nations’ meeting on Tuesday night. Osorio was looking forward to playing one of Europe's most talented midfields, and the loss of those two exceptional talents appeared to have dumbed down the excercise.  

Cristiano Ronaldo Turns Back The Clock With Some Unreal Skills For Portugal

There is a massive divide in how different generations have come to view and use the video-sharing network known as YouTube. I’m an old man geezer kind of content boy, and when I first learned that people were using YouTube to do things besides watch Ronaldinho highlights, I stared off into space for 17 straight hours and whispered the word “vlogger” until my temporal lobes exploded in a cacophony of new age understanding. 

15 GIFs That Sum Up Zinedine Zidane’s Flawless 2006 World Cup Performance

Without reviewing the entire 2006 World Cup — or at least just France’s quarterfinal victory over Brazil — it’s difficult to get a sense of just how deserved a Golden Ball winner Zinedine Zidane was. 

Having announced his retirement from Real Madrid at the end of the 2005-06 season, the summer’s World Cup served as Zidane’s swan song on the pitch. He turned it into his personal testimonial, particularly when the knockout stages began. 

15 Savage Nutmegs That Broke The Internet And Ended Once-Promising Careers

During Racing Club’s 5-0 defeat of Patronato in the Argentine Primera Division on Sunday, 20-year-old forward Lautaro Martinez — who just received his first Argentina call-up and is reportedly being heavily courted by both Borussia Dortmund and Inter Milan — provided the play of the weekend with just two delicate touches of the ball. 

His intricate little tippy tap sent the ball through the legs of the defender, ending his life and sending his soul down the river Styx. 

Luka Modric Pulls Off A Savage, Career-Ending Double Nutmeg

Oh baby. It’s that time of year again. Nearly seven weeks after a Copa del Rey exit put manager Zinedine Zidane’s position on the brink, Real Madrid has since gone 9-1-1 while elevating itself back to the position of Champions League favorite following a 5-2 aggregate humbling of PSG. 

Over that period, Cristiano Ronaldo has recorded 15 goals and two assists in nine starts, including a brace against Eibar on Saturday

How To Do An Elastico Pass Like Willian

Willian did something truly outrageous in the FA Cup against Hull City last week: an elastico pass to Cesc Fabregas.

This move looks damn near impossible for humans who aren't full Brazil internationals playing for one of the biggest clubs in the world, but, though practice, it can be achieved in five easy steps:

Spurs See The Benefit Of Fielding A Brazilian International Against A Third Division Side

If not for Brazilian international Lucas Moura — making his first start for Tottenham following a January transfer from PSG — Spurs would’ve been knocked out of the FA Cup by third-tier side Rochdale on Sunday. There were the late dramatics of Dele Alli winning a penalty and Harry Kane converting from the spot, only for Rochdale to deservedly earn a Wembley replay with a 92nd minute equalizer, but Lucas was the only real positive for Tottenham on the day.

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