(At The ZlatanBot Factory)
Scientist: sir, the unit has broken down. A failure of the knee joint, apparently
Boss guy: Goddammit the warranty just expired
Other scientist: well, at least this will give us a chance to improve the unit
Zlatan: I am right here, and I can hear you. I am Zlatan, and I am already as close to perfect as can possibly exist
Scientist: well at least the hearing module still works
Other scientist: and the confidence module
Zlatan: Everything works I am Zlatan
Celta de Vigo came agonizingly close to scoring a vital second away goal that would've seen them advance to the Europa League Final. In the sixth minute of extra time, striker John Guidetti mishit a bouncing cross from ten yards out, and United cleared the ball out of the box before hearing a long awaited final whistle. Any shot on goal would've beaten United keeper Sergio Romero, who was out of position defending against the last-minute surge from Celta.
Manchester United extended their lead against Celta Vigo with a all-important goal from Marouane Fellaini. Henrikh Mkhitaryan found Marcus Rashford in space, and he delivered a perfect pass to Fellaini at the far post. A simple header from close range beat keeper Sergio Alvarez, who could only get a hand on the shot. Celta Vigo controlled possession early on, needing at least one away goal to advance. Their task just became much more difficult.
The headline of this article was a joke. Take a look at this clip of Chicharito's best goal and see if you can spot why.
Heh. Get it? Face of Manchester United? God, I am so clever.
After securing three points yesterday behind Emre Can’s wonder goal, Liverpool are primed to finish in the top four and qualify for the Champions League for the first time in three years. The Reds have a very manageable schedule down the stretch.
Marcus Rashford is a likable guy. Even those of us who are not Manchester United fans have to admire his earnest demeanor and fairytale-like story.
Signed to Manchester United's academy system at only seven years old, Rashford rose through the club ranks to make a series of impressive debuts – scoring in each and every one of them.
Here's a list of debut games with United's first team in which Rashford scored:
First-team debut (Europa League): 2 goals
Premier League debut (versus Arsenal): 2 goals
It’s tragic to think about the gross output of the cast of characters in the Manchester derby when bridled with the vast sums of money spent on assembling them. The latest edition of Manchester United vs. Manchester City was a sobering affair that could serve as a harrowing documentary of the wastes of our time.