I know what you're thinking, we're all crazy for putting this much faith in a cow to predict the outcome of something people in Las Vegas often miss. But, Paul The Octopus predicted Germany winning the World Cup in 2014, so I have faith in this cow.
Mathematically eliminated from a top-four finish in the Premier League, Manchester United now know that they need to win the Europa League in order to qualify for next year's Champions League.
(At The ZlatanBot Factory)
Scientist: sir, the unit has broken down. A failure of the knee joint, apparently
Boss guy: Goddammit the warranty just expired
Other scientist: well, at least this will give us a chance to improve the unit
Zlatan: I am right here, and I can hear you. I am Zlatan, and I am already as close to perfect as can possibly exist
Scientist: well at least the hearing module still works
Other scientist: and the confidence module
Zlatan: Everything works I am Zlatan
Celta de Vigo came agonizingly close to scoring a vital second away goal that would've seen them advance to the Europa League Final. In the sixth minute of extra time, striker John Guidetti mishit a bouncing cross from ten yards out, and United cleared the ball out of the box before hearing a long awaited final whistle. Any shot on goal would've beaten United keeper Sergio Romero, who was out of position defending against the last-minute surge from Celta.
Manchester United extended their lead against Celta Vigo with a all-important goal from Marouane Fellaini. Henrikh Mkhitaryan found Marcus Rashford in space, and he delivered a perfect pass to Fellaini at the far post. A simple header from close range beat keeper Sergio Alvarez, who could only get a hand on the shot. Celta Vigo controlled possession early on, needing at least one away goal to advance. Their task just became much more difficult.
The headline of this article was a joke. Take a look at this clip of Chicharito's best goal and see if you can spot why.
Heh. Get it? Face of Manchester United? God, I am so clever.