Jose Mourinho

Zlatan Ibrahimovic And Paul Pogba In Squad To Face Newcastle United

The footballing gods are fickle. One month ago, a 1-0 victory over Crystal Palace sent Newcastle United to the lofty heights of sixth in the Premier League table, in front of both Arsenal and Liverpool. Now, after being held scoreless for 180 minutes in defeats to Burnley and Bournemouth and falling to 11th, the Toon travel to Old Trafford to play a Manchester United side welcoming back both Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Paul Pogba to the side.

Morata’s Noggin Is Just Magnificent As Chelsea Beats Mourinho, Manchester United

Álvaro Morata may have the most brilliant head in England since Isaac Newton. The Chelsea striker scored with his noggin yet again for the only goal in a 1-0 victory over Manchester United to spoil yet another return for Jose Mourinho to Stamford Bridge on Sunday. 

Morata has scored 10 goals with his head since the start of last season, the most in Europe’s top five leagues in that span. That’s more than the sinewy peg atop Peter Crouch’s body, Andy Carroll’s bulging cranium and the meaty French forehead of Olivier Giroud. 

Victory Over Tottenham Confirms That Old Trafford Is A Fortress Once Again

In the end, a top of the table clash between Manchester United and Tottenham at Old Trafford was decided in the most route one way imaginable. In the 81st minute, David de Gea launched one upfield at Romelu Lukaku. The Belgian striker's towering flick unlocked the Spurs defense, Anthony Martial, on as a 70th minute substitute, got on the end of it and dispatched his shot beyond Hugo Lloris in goal. In between, the narrative stayed pretty true to form.

Jose Mourinho Doesn't Care About You

Jose Mourinho's job is to win soccer games.

Actually, I'm going to walk that back. Jose Mourinho's job is to not lose soccer games, and he is extraordinarily good at it. What he is not extraordinarily good at is caring about literally anything else. For example, the feelings of anyone who may be watching one of his teams play a soccer game.

As such, readers will be shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that Manchester United travelled to Liverpool, parked the bus for 90 minutes and came away with a point. Importantly, they did not win. More importantly, they did not lose.

In The Midst Of Being Robbed By Other EPL Teams, Arsenal Have Been Robbed By Robbers

News broke Wednesday that late Tuesday night burglars broke into the Emirates Stadium in London and took off with “a large quantity of merchandise” from Arsenal. A police statement said the suspects were in a car and two mopeds.

The police did not say exactly what was stolen but we at The18 have obtained exclusive police sketches of the suspects.

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