Highlights

Harry Kane’s Goal-Scoring Exploits Take Back Seat To False Missile Launch Alarm In Hawaii

Harry Kane became Tottenham Hotspur’s all-time leading Premier League goal scorer on Saturday, scoring two second-half goals to pass Teddy Sheringham in the team’s record book. But in many parts of the world, the Harry Kane goal record in a 4-0 win over Everton took a back seat to the stunning events that took place in Hawaii on Saturday morning.

As the first half of the Tottenham vs. Everton match came to a close, those watching in Hawaii had their mornings ruined by reports of an incoming missile launch. 

Doucoure Scores With His Hand Because England Is In The Dark Ages

Abdoulaye Doucouré is one cheeky fella. The Watford midfielder took advantage of some poor refereeing and some poor decision-making from the English FA to help earn his team a point with a 2-2 draw. You see, the 90th-minute Doucoure goal vs Southampton was scored with the Frenchman’s hand. 

Yes, it’s still illegal to use your hands if you’re not the goalie. And no, England hasn’t joined the rest of the civilized world by adopting VAR. So yeah, the goal stood, and Southampton is rightly livid. 

Barcelona Prove How Much They Need Coutinho By Obliterating Celta Vigo, 5-0

Philippe Coutinho was in the stands, but the only two players Barcelona needed against Celta Vigo Thursday were Lionel Messi and Jordi Alba. Meet me once Barcelona go up 3-0.

Hector Herrera And Miguel Layun On Target To Lift Porto Into Portuguese Cup Semis

FC Porto defeated Moreirense 2-1 in the Taca de Portugal (the country’s premier knockout competition) with Mexico internationals Hector Herrera and Miguel Layun providing the goals. Porto haven’t won the Cup since 2011, but they’ll now play fierce rivals Sporting CP in a Dragões vs Leões semifinal. 

Herrera scored the game’s opening goal in the eighth minute after a fine run from Tiquinho. The midfielder applied the finish with a lovely dink over the keeper. 

Lionel Messi Cuts Once, Twice, Thrice On Ivan Rakitic And Ruins His Day

Sometimes I think about Michael Owen. It’s a certain thought experiment pertaining to Owen joining Manchester United in 2009 as a 29-year-old on a two-year deal and playing very, very little. With most expecting him to find a new club in 2011 after starting only six Premier League matches in two seasons, he instead signed a one-year extension while explaining his decision thus:

Luciano Vietto’s Amazing Hat-Trick Of Ever-Increasing Quality For Valencia

Valencia eased into the Copa del Rey quarterfinals with a 4-0 victory over Las Palmas at the Mestalla on Tuesday, the Cup match playing out entirely like La Liga’s third-place side going up against the club in 20th. Valencia’s Luciano Vietto, who’s on loan at Los Che from Atletico Madrid, scored an amazing hat-trick of ever-increasing quality to lead the way.

The 24-year-old Argentinian gave Valencia a 1-0 advantage (2-1 on aggregate) in the 30th minute with a side-footed finish on the rebound after Simone Zaza’s header was miraculously saved by Raul Lizoain. 

Latest Tania Morales Skill Check Is Pure Filth

Back on November 24, 2017, Guadalajara completed a three-goal comeback in the Apertura championship to shock Pachuca in the inaugural season of Liga MX Femenil, the top-flight women’s league in Mexico. Key to Chivas’ triumph was midfield captain Tania Morales, a 31-year-old native of Guadalajara who scored five goals and two assists in the 14-match regular season to lead her club into the playoffs. 

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