Highlights

Brazilian Player Hilariously Fails To Make Lift Off In Ill-Conceived Celebration

Leg day is important. Sure, maybe you think the ladies will love you for your huge biceps or washboard abs, but don’t forget about the lower half of your body. 

André Luis appears to have made that mistake. The Brazilian soccer player scored a simple goal on Tuesday but failed miserably on the celebration.

Let’s hope that celebration makes it into FIFA 18. 

Real Madrid Give Every Indication That They’re Back For Thirds In Europe

A wonderfully invented goal from Isco and a successful foray forward from Casemiro were enough to overcome Romelu Lukaku’s first competitive Manchester United goal on Tuesday, and Real Madrid captured an early piece of silverware in their 2017-18 campaign by defeating Manchester United in the UEFA Super Cup.

Last June, Real became the first club to successfully defend their European title in the Champions League era, and based off the evidence here, they have to be firm UCL favorites this season as well.

Barcelona Honored Chapecoense In The Joan Gamper Cup, But Barcelona Are Still Barcelona

Barcelona hosted Chapecoense at Camp Nou in the Joan Gamper Cup in a celebration of the Brazilian club, which was devastated by plane crash in November that killed 71 of the 77 passengers, including most of the squad and staff. An emotional first kick from survivors Jakson Follmann and Neto had some holding back tears but when the match began, there was no holding back Lionel Messi, Luis Suarez and the Catalans in a 5-0 victory for Barcelona on Monday.

L.A. Galaxy Defeated By VAR, Two Awesome Goals From Portland

The L.A. Galaxy are in a major rut and everyone is piling on, from opponents to technology. In a 3-1 loss to the Portland Timbers on Sunday, the Galaxy were one of the first MLS clubs to have a goal disallowed by video review. Then the Timbers slammed home two of the best goals of the weekend to rub it in and spoil the debut of Jonathan Dos Santos. 

L.A. thought it had scored in the 12th minute when Gyasi Zardes poked home from short range. But the officials checked the tape and discovered Zardes had handled the ball prior to the goal.

Cristian Galano's Bicycle Kick Winner Against Parma Means It's Officially Cup Magic Season

One of the best parts of the beginning of the European club season is CUP MAGIC. CUP MAGIC occurs when SMALL CLUBS DO BIG THINGS. The most common example of CUP MAGIC is a small club taking down a big club, but CUP MAGIC can happen in any cup match in which a small club happens to be playing.

In the Coppa Italia yesterday, Serie B clubs Bari and Parma faced off, and Bari's Cristian Galano demonstrated CUP MAGIC with an outrageous 90th minute bicycle kick winner.

David Villa Records First MLS Hat Trick Along With Ridiculous Solo Goal

David Villa’s first two seasons in MLS with New York City FC were remarkable, but his third season with the club is poised to be his finest yet. Fresh off being selected for his third consecutive All-Star Game and having just received the 2017 ESPY Award for Best MLS Player, Villa took his league-leading tally to 17 goals from 22 games with his first-ever hat trick in America.

Football’s Forgotten $19 Million Per Year Man Is Scoring Bangers In China

Thinking about the Chinese Super League is something like remembering Y2K, the year time turned 2,000 years old (fact). Worries built up ferociously directly before the turn of the century, but the dropping of the ball confirmed that everything would be okay.

The CSL, for a few months, seemed capable of its own global disruption, and the belief that China would simply buy anyone and everyone for exorbitant sums hit its peak when Shangong Luneng made Graziano Pelle the fifth-highest paid footballer on the planet in 2016.

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