Highlights

Liverpool-Manchester City Was Everything We'd Hoped For And More

Jurgen Klopp and Pep Guardiola are like siblings. Guardiola is the studious, artsy older brother. He likes Legos. He builds entire carefully-constructed cities on the living room floor. They are intricate and delicate. Klopp is the younger brother. He is a toddler. He is wearing a cape and a saucepan on his head for a helmet. He wants some Cheez-Its.To get his Cheez-Its, Klopp runs through the middle of the living room and tramples Guardiola's Lego City. At least, that's what happened on Sunday.

Harry Kane’s Goal-Scoring Exploits Take Back Seat To False Missile Launch Alarm In Hawaii

Harry Kane became Tottenham Hotspur’s all-time leading Premier League goal scorer on Saturday, scoring two second-half goals to pass Teddy Sheringham in the team’s record book. But in many parts of the world, the Harry Kane goal record in a 4-0 win over Everton took a back seat to the stunning events that took place in Hawaii on Saturday morning.

As the first half of the Tottenham vs. Everton match came to a close, those watching in Hawaii had their mornings ruined by reports of an incoming missile launch. 

Doucoure Scores With His Hand Because England Is In The Dark Ages

Abdoulaye Doucouré is one cheeky fella. The Watford midfielder took advantage of some poor refereeing and some poor decision-making from the English FA to help earn his team a point with a 2-2 draw. You see, the 90th-minute Doucoure goal vs Southampton was scored with the Frenchman’s hand. 

Yes, it’s still illegal to use your hands if you’re not the goalie. And no, England hasn’t joined the rest of the civilized world by adopting VAR. So yeah, the goal stood, and Southampton is rightly livid. 

Barcelona Prove How Much They Need Coutinho By Obliterating Celta Vigo, 5-0

Philippe Coutinho was in the stands, but the only two players Barcelona needed against Celta Vigo Thursday were Lionel Messi and Jordi Alba. Meet me once Barcelona go up 3-0.

Hector Herrera And Miguel Layun On Target To Lift Porto Into Portuguese Cup Semis

FC Porto defeated Moreirense 2-1 in the Taca de Portugal (the country’s premier knockout competition) with Mexico internationals Hector Herrera and Miguel Layun providing the goals. Porto haven’t won the Cup since 2011, but they’ll now play fierce rivals Sporting CP in a Dragões vs Leões semifinal. 

Herrera scored the game’s opening goal in the eighth minute after a fine run from Tiquinho. The midfielder applied the finish with a lovely dink over the keeper. 

Lionel Messi Cuts Once, Twice, Thrice On Ivan Rakitic And Ruins His Day

Sometimes I think about Michael Owen. It’s a certain thought experiment pertaining to Owen joining Manchester United in 2009 as a 29-year-old on a two-year deal and playing very, very little. With most expecting him to find a new club in 2011 after starting only six Premier League matches in two seasons, he instead signed a one-year extension while explaining his decision thus:

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