Goals

This Indonesian Man Scored The Fastest Goal We've Ever Seen

Terens Puhiri is faster than you. He is faster than me. He is faster than all of us. Terens Puhiri can outrun the earth and the moon and the stars and, dare I say it, even time itself. He has run around solar systems and galaxies. He knows the answers to all of your questions, but he's too busy running fast to answer them. Is there life somewhere else in the universe? Do some quad stretches and find out. He ran through all the alternate realities and says this one's pretty weird, as far as realities go. Apparently there's one where kangaroos are worshipped as Gods.

Liverpool’s Rhian Brewster Hits Hat-Trick vs. Brazil To Send England To U-17 World Cup Final

Make it back-to-back hat-tricks for 17-year-old Liverpool talent Rhian Brewster at the 2017 FIFA U-17 World Cup in India. After hitting the United States for three in England’s 4-1 victory in the quarterfinals, the London-born striker again found the back of the net thrice, this time in the Three Lions’ 3-1 victory over Brazil in the semifinals.

Brewster, who scored on his Liverpool U-23 debut back in January, now leads the tournament’s Golden Boot race with seven goals. He also bravely struck the first penalty in England’s Round of 16 shootout triumph over Japan. 

Watch Claire Emslie’s Accurate Strike In Scotland’s 5-0 Win

In UEFA Women’s World Cup qualifying there are a lot of routs. Half of the 10 matches played Tuesday involved scorelines of 3-0 or worse (most were worse, much worse), including Germany’s 11-0 thrashing of Faroe Islands. Scotland’s match against Albania was no different but for one feature: none of those other lopsided affairs had a goal this pretty.

Watch Samuel Eto’o Score And Know That Time Is A Flat Circle

“Your whole life, like a sandglass, will always be reversed and will ever run out again, — a long minute of time will elapse until all those conditions out of which you were evolved return in the wheel of the cosmic process. And then you will find every pain and every pleasure, every friend and every enemy, every hope and every error, every blade of grass and every ray of sunshine once more, and the whole fabric of things which make up your life.”

Jesus “Tecatito” Corona Spent The Whole Weekend Balling With FC Porto

FC Porto manager Sergio Conceicao’s search for the right formation and personnel in both the Primeira Liga and Champions League has led to Mexican international Jesus “Tecatito” Corona being handed less minutes than he’d probably like, but the 24-year-old winger was handed a start against Pacos de Ferreira on Saturday and certainly gave his manager something to think about with a flawless 75-minute display that included a goal and an assist.

FIFA Voted Ronaldo, Martens, Giroud’s Scorpion Kick The Best

FIFA actually got something right on Monday when it awarded Cristiano Ronaldo The Best FIFA Men’s Player of 2017 at the FIFA award show. Lieke Martens was named The Best Women’s Player while Olivier Giroud claimed the Puskas Award for the best goal. 

Ronaldo won the honor as best men’s player for the second year in a row and was also named to the FIFA FIFPro World XI alongside four of his Real Madrid teammates. 

Julie Ertz Is The Sergio Ramos Of Women’s Soccer

Julie Ertz did it again Sunday. The USWNT defender scored in a 6-0 rout of South Korea, her fifth goal of 2017. She’s now tied with Alex Morgan for most goals scored for Team USA this year. Julie Ertz’s goal-scoring ability makes her the Sergio Ramos of women’s football. 

Ertz headed in the United States’ fourth goal of the first half for her 13th goal in international play, most among active American defenders. It was her second goal in four days and fourth in her last four national-team appearances.

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