Goals

Don’t Thank God It’s Friday, Thank China’s Wang Shanshan (Scorer Of Backheels)

China’s Wang Shanshan scored the kind of goal that comes from crossing the DNA of Tobin Heath and Lieke Mertens in the EAFF E-1 Football Championship (the women’s football championship of East Asia) today. 

The sometimes defender, sometimes forward kept it poacher after South Korea cleared a Chinese corner in the 18th minute. However, the ball made its way back into the box with a clipped effort over the top, and Shanshan was there to apply the most impudent of touches to steer the ball inside the near post with her heel.

Watch Ronaldinho Score From Behind The Halfway Line In A Charity Match

It's nice to know that at any moment Ronaldinho could be out there, somewhere, doing something outrageous in a charity match. It seems like he pops up every few weeks, does stomething outlandish then disappears into the ether, not to be seen or heard of until he pops up at another charity match to embarrass someone.

It's comforting, really.

Watch Radamel Falcao Hit A Long-Range Stunner Like He Doesn't Even Care

Radamel Falcao clearly woke up this morning and decided he was done with everyone.

Done.

That's it. Finished.

In the 85th minute of Monaco's match against Caen Tuesday, Falcao plum ran out of fucks to give. He had also exhausted his backup supply of fucks.

Falcao looked like he was about to lay it off safely to a teammate like a good little target man but changed his mind at the last moment, said "screw it" and let fly with a beauty.

Before Messi Was Abusing Defenders, He Was Abusing Extremely Confused Defenders

Lionel Messi was never a little-known quantity. When he scored nearly 500 goals for Newell’s Old Boys as a young boy, people took notice. That’s why Barcelona made the highly unusual decision to sign a 13-year-old foreign player. That’s why, aged 17 years, three months and 22 days, he became Barcelona’s youngest-ever representative in an official competition. It’s why he represented La Albiceleste, the two-time world champions, at 18.

Cristiano Ronaldo Shows Off Fifth Ballon d’Or, Scores A Brace

A meeting between third and fifth in La Liga turned into a rout inside the first half with Real Madrid racing to a 5-0 lead on Sevilla inside the match’s opening 42 minutes. Nacho got the first, Cristiano Ronaldo added a brace on the day his fifth Ballon d’Or trophy was presented to the Bernabeu crowd, Toni Kroos struck the fourth and 19-year-old Achraf Hakimi scored his first La Liga goal for the club.

Altidore, Giovinco And Bradley Inspire Toronto FC To MLS Cup 2017

Toronto FC avenged their 2016 final defeat to Seattle by defeating the Sounders in a rematch at MLS Cup 2017, 2-0. Jozy Altidore scored the game-winning goal in the 67th minute off a Sebastian Giovinco through ball, and Toronto’s historic Supporters’ Shield season was given the famous ending it deserved. 

In the fourth-minute of second half stoppage time, Victor Vazquez added Toronto’s second, capping a sensational first season for the Spaniard in MLS. 

Leicester Defeat Newcastle 3-2 After Pretty Terrific 85th Minute Own Goal

For the neutral, there’s no better scoreline in football than 3-2. Goals, end-to-end action and drama are all promised in such an outcome, and Leicester City’s thrilling 3-2 victory over Newcastle United delivered Saturday.

On the 125th anniversary of Newcastle’s founding, Joselu brought the 52,000-strong audience to its feet by opening the scoring following some great work by Dwight Gayle. 

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