Europe

Dani Carvajal Tried To Game The System And Got Caught

Real Madrid defender Dani Carvajal thought he was being clever. In the waning moments of a 6-0 victory over APOEL on Nov. 21, Carvajal decided to hold the ball instead of throwing it back into play. The referee didn’t like this time wasting and showed him a yellow card. It was Carvajal’s fifth yellow of the Champions League campaign, meaning he would be suspended for the Borussia Dortmund match, but he would be available for the knockout rounds, for which Real Madrid had already qualified. 

20-Year-Old Texan Keaton Parks Extends Benfica Contract With Reported $47M Release Clause

American midfielder Keaton Parks only made his competitive debut for Benfica on November 18, but the 20-year-old native of Plano, Texas, has shown enough with the reserve team to have his contract extended until 2022. Benfica have also reportedly placed a release clause of nearly $50 million on the player.

According To Dad, Thiago Messi “Is A Phenomenon,” Mateo “A Son Of A Bitch”

We’ve got it, we’ve pinned down two-year-old Mateo Messi’s future on the pitch. After graduating from La Masia summa cum laude, the phenom will replace a 45-year-old Sergio Busquets in Barcelona’s holding midfield role, because, according to father Lionel, Mateo is “un hijo de puta.” He’s a real mean sumbitch.  

EPL Sets Record With 5 Teams In Champions League Knockout Rounds — Is That A Big Deal?

Since the Champions League went from using a second group stage to a 16-team knockout tournament in 2003-04, no league had ever qualified five teams for the knockout rounds — until now. With Liverpool’s 7-0 destruction of Spartak Moscow on Wednesday, the English Premier League officially placed five clubs into the Champions League Round of 16 in what is a remarkable turnaround for the league. Kind of. 

Liverpool's Offense Has Evolved Into Its Final Form

If there's one stat that sums up Liverpool's 2017-2018 season so far, it's this: Liverpool have more 7-0 wins than 1-0 wins.

One of those happened Wednesday at Anfield against Spartak Moscow in the Champions League to secure victory in Group E. Watch the highlights, and meet me after the jump, where I will have some nuanced analysis on how exactly Liverpool are able to carve teams up like this.

Carles Puyol Was Attacked With A Dildo After The World Cup Draw

Carles Puyol is a legend. One of the best central defenders of all time, he won 20 major trophies with Barcelona and helped Spain to their 2010 World Cup triumph. Because of his impressive resume, it makes sense that Puyol was asked to participate in the draw for the 2018 World Cup. Puyol drew groups G and H and everything went off without a hitch.

Until that evening, when a fan hit Puyol in the face with a dildo.

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