NY Red Bulls Troll Frank Lampard On Retirement, English Media Can’t Handle It

The holier-than-thou footballing mentality of the English came to the fore when Frank Lampard announced his retirement Thursday. Lampard, who was slated by all of England during the 2006 World Cup and booed at Wembley during their disastrous Euro 2008 qualifying campaign, is a living legend, but he didn’t die on Tuesday, he just won’t be playing for NYCFC anymore.

Manchester City's Biggest Problem Is Lack Of Finishing

Pep Guardiola’s first season in England is not going to the way he planned. His Manchester City side are currently out of the top four, endangering their chances of qualifying for the Champions League — let alone winning the title. 

They also have the most losses out of all teams in the top six with five defeats, and conceded the most goals with 28. The team has many problems on the pitch, and converting their chances inside the final third seems to be the biggest one.

Let This Own Goal Be A Hilarious Lesson To Work On Your Weaker Foot

Darren Bent, former England international and Tottenham Hotspur forward, is a proper forward’s forward. The 32-year-old has scored over 200 goals in his career, and he doesn’t faff about around the net. So when the football made its way to him on his own goal line, he did what Tommy Smyth is apparently talking about when he says put a bulge in the old onion bag. 

He bulged that bag with a left-footed slice that had Lionel Messi beaming from ear to ear. That’s how you use your left, son! Get in! 

Souleymane Doukara Hit A Volley So Hard We Just Don't Know What To Feel Anymore

Leeds United striker Souleymane Doukara will probably win some awards for this goal, and if he does they will be deserved.

We will break down Doukara's goal using the tactical acumen and soccer insights only we here at The18 possess. Here goes:

Aston Villa Chairman Dr. Tony Xia Is Doing Math On The Internet

It's unclear what Aston Villa chairman Dr. Tony Xia is a doctor of, but we think it might be math.

Xia, whose Twitter account is wildly entertaining and filled with optimistic projections for the future of his club (currently 13th in the Championship, but don't worry, Dr. Tony is on it), has been spouting off math problems in relation to the January transfer window lately.