The 11 Best Goals From The Midway Point Of The 2017 MLS Season

Regardless of where you stand in your level of MLS fandom, there’s no denying that the league provides an abundance of goals. In 2017, 659 have been scored through 225 games — good for an average of 2.93 per match. Horrific defending from the likes of Minnesota United, Real Salt Lake and DC United certainly helps to elevate this number, but we’re not complaining.

Watch Barcelona Transform Bougie NYC Hotel Room Into Stanky Equipment Locker

If you saw the bellboy wheeling a few of these metallic cases down the hall, each clearly denoted as hands off material with a dozen locks keeping its contents guarded, you’d probably react like Ludacis in “Rollout (My Business)”: what in the world is in that bag, what you got in that bag?

For the FC Barcelona roadies, it’s a pair of one of a kind adidas Nemeziz 17s handcrafted especially for Lionel Messi, the latest range of Blaugrana training gear and Andre Gomes under lock and key.

10-Year-Old Messi Was Freaky Good, Like, Freakier Than The Omen

No disrespect to Lionel Messi, but if your 10-year-old kid started doing this one day in the backyard, would you think “Gee, little Jimmy’s sure showing an inclination towards soccer” or would you think “Gee, little Jimmy may literally be the Devil incarnate”?

Based on a genetic family history more prone to madness than to footballing excellence, I’d opt for the latter. No disrespect to Messi, but if my son were doing this, I’d check for a weird birthmark and ask my local priest for seven sacrificial daggers. 

German Defender Philip Heise Sends Ball On A 50-Yard Magic Carpet Ride

A friendly between Germany’s VfB Stuttgart and Dynamo Dresden descended into a Disney sing-along when Dresden’s Philip Heise sent the ball over, sideways and under on a magic carpet ride.

The hit — one of shining, shimmering splendor — was from 50 yards out, and, like a shooting star, it went so far with no hope of ever going back to where it used to be. 

The ball was like a diamond in the sky — soaring, tumbling and freewheeling. An unbelievable sight, and an indescribable feeling as the football careened into the net.