This Indonesian Man Scored The Fastest Goal We've Ever Seen

Indonesian Terens Puhiri might be the fastest man in the world, judging by this goal he scored for Borneo FC.

Terens Puhiri is faster than you. He is faster than me. He is faster than all of us. Terens Puhiri can outrun the earth and the moon and the stars and, dare I say it, even time itself. He has run around solar systems and galaxies. He knows the answers to all of your questions, but he's too busy running fast to answer them. Is there life somewhere else in the universe? Do some quad stretches and find out. He ran through all the alternate realities and says this one's pretty weird, as far as realities go. Apparently there's one where kangaroos are worshipped as Gods.

Terens Puhiri has run to the future and back, and has scored at least one incredible goal in the process. Terens Puhiri ran to the end of the universe and didn't know what to do with himself, so he ran back. The end of the universe is OK, if you're into that sort of thing. No restaurant, though. That was disappointing. He has run through heaven and hell and even purgatory. Purgatory was kind of boring. Heaven was OK. He ran through Nirvana and achieved enlightenment and then ran through again because enlightenment feels pretty darn good.

Terens Puhiri is so fast directions have lost meaning. Up is down. Left is right. North is south. East is slightly southeast. West is hiding somewhere. Not sure where it went. We may have to look for it later. Maybe it will come back on its own. Puhiri is so fast he ran all the way through a journey of self-discovery and is now a more complete person.

Terens Puhiri is so fast he ran in front of me and typed this post and fled before I could stop him.

(H/T Deadspin)

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