One of the best stories of this season was the rise of plucky Monaco, a squad laden with exciting young talent that won Ligue 1 and made it to the Champions League semifinals. One story that was overlooked regarding Monaco is that Prince Albert of Monaco, whose family owns part of AS Monaco Football Club, has an exceptionally nice boat.
Prince Albert's boat is named the Koning Albert II, because when you are the billionaire Prince of Monaco you get to name luxury oceangoing vessels after yourself, it's just what you do. Let's take a look around.
0:00 The video opens with a wide shot, wide enough for you to relize that this boat is really, truly large. You, a commoner, will never be on a boat this big unless you are in the Navy or go on cruises as vacations. (Note: do not go on cruises for vacations. Do something interesting instead. Please. Unless you're using the cruise to see a bunch of different places in a short amount of time. That's what I did when I went on a cruise. I had to qualify my original statement about all cruises being bad because I went on a cruise once and I am great and never make bad decisions.)
It's just a big damn boat. I wish I had one and you do too.
0:06 The second shot is looking down on the pool. The boat, which is built to travel on water, has a feature in which you can play in water and remain on the boat. You don't have to go into the outside water. You can stay safely on the boat and still be in water. Please note the pool can be converted into a helicopter pad. If you were wondering what a billion dollars can buy you, it's that. Near the pool is a full bar, lounging space for six people to lounge comfortably in and two staircases.
0:12 The pool shot is followed by another wide shot in case you forgot how goddamn big this boat is.
0:15 This wide shot is followed by another wide shot, for even more emphasis, set in water so turquoise it cannot possibly be real.
(Prince Albert of Monaco has enough money that he could pay for them to dye the sea the perfect shad of turquoise just for that photo. Do not put that past him.)
0:20 There are two balconies overlooking the pool. The first is bigger than my apartment and the second has a hot tub.
0:25 The view from said balconies is obviously spectacular.
0:31 See? I told you the pool turns into a helicopter pad.
0:35 The walkways on the outside edges of Prince Albert of Monaco's yacht are tastefully-appointed and modern. Duh.
0:40 That's not the hot tub on the balcony overlooking the pool. That's a different hot tub.
0:45 This is a boat and as such it contains many nautical instruments.
0:50 Gangplanks are for poor people.
0:55 How is Prince Albert of Monaco not just absolutely wasted on champagne and fruity island drinks all the time? Maybe he is, but he's really good at hiding it in public and none of his servants want to talk about it.
1:00 Y'all it has a garage.
1:05 Seriously though.
1:10 I mean, come on.
1:15 From what I can tell, this boat has upwards of 20 places with the sole purpose of comfortably lounging. Which, luxury yacht, so I guess that makes sense.
1:20 A classy dining room, just in case any other princes happen to wander by.
1:25 This just looks like a normal living room. I am confused.
1:30 That looks like either a fish tank or an elevator shaft and I'm real curious to find out which one.
1:35 Never mind I have been distracted by the grand piano with what appear to be flame decals on it.
1:40 Another classy dining room. In case one needs to host two different classy meals at two different locations within the yacht.
1:45 Salmon is not really what we were expecting from the bedroom but whatever floats your boat, buddy.
Oh god I am so sorry for the "whatever floats your boat" thing. Please forgive me.
1:50 Just a bigger version of a hotel bathroom, really.
1:55 Twin beds? What is this, a youth hostel?
2:00 Industrial kitchen, yes, of course, moving on.
2:05 That must be the servants' quarters or something.
2:10 Definitely servants' quarters. I doubt Prince Albert of Monaco has ever even been in that room.
2:15 The bridge, you've seen movies.
2:20 Important technical boat stuff happens here. More photos of the pool/helicopter pad, please.
2:25 That is not the pool or even anywhere near it. That is a picture of some stairs you could find on any old boat. Come on guys I need glitz! Glamour! Elegance! Placate me!
2:30 Oh, cool, toolboxes. Thanks guys. Really what I was looking for.
2:35 Valves, awesome.
2:40 Different Angle on the valves. This is no way to end a tour. I am so sorry.
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