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Who Will Win The EPL? (And Other Predictions)

Not long to go now. A week from Saturday, the Barclays Premier League sparks back into life with a fanfare of football, cliches, bad haircuts and mono-syllabic post-match interviews. Ex-footballers are pressing their lime-green, double-breasted, crushed velvet suits as we speak, sharpening their platitudes in readiness for the pundits’ sofa. You never know, there may even be the odd goal or two.

Like a fresh dawn, the start of the new season brings with it that cruelest of emotions: hope. Managers, players and supporters alike build a temple of expectations: this is the year we win the league / qualify for Europe / make it to Wembley / finish above our neighbors / don’t get relegated. For a lucky few, those expectations may be realized or even exceeded; for most, the temple will be a ruin of rubble come the following May, ready to be re-built all over again.

What better time, then, for The18 to cast its eye over this year’s likely standouts and dropouts. Let’s take a few hostages to fortune while we’re at it.

(Disclaimer: The18 reserves the right to change, amend or wholly disassociate itself with the below opinions at any point throughout the coming season as it deems fit and determines necessary for the preservation of its collective ego.)

EPL Champions 2014-15: Chelsea FC

Quite simply, Jose Mourinho knows how to win the Premier League. That he came fairly close to last season without a recognized goalscorer (Fernando Torres hasn’t been a goalscorer for some time now) tells you all you need to know about his organizational, tactical and motivational talents. Consider, then, what he can do with Cesc Fabregas feeding Diego Costa at the sharp-end of a Chelsea attacking line. The rest of the Premier League should be very scared of trips to SW6 this season. 

Champions League Qualification: Man City (2nd), Man United (3rd), Arsenal (4th)

Manchester City were worthy champions last season, winning “the right way” in Manuel Pellegrini’s first year in charge. As in the summer of 2012, however, they’ve failed to strengthen during the off-season and, in contrast to a wealth of attacking options, their defense continues to look overly reliant on Vincent Kompany. An injury to him, and City will struggle. Chelsea will have too much for the light blues. 

Last year was an aberration for Manchester United, and we fully expect Louis van Gaal to return the Red Devils to the business end of the league this season, especially without the added stresses of the Champions League to deal with. They still need defensive cover, however, which is why we have Chelsea and City just ahead. A couple of shrewd signings between now and the end of August, and our opinion could change.

While Arsenal have made an outstanding signing in Alexis Sanchez, questions remain over the mentality of Arsene Wenger’s squad. For too long the Gunners have squandered leads, capitulated to lesser teams and thrown away points in the latter half of the season. We see no particular reason why this year will be any different.

There’s obviously a casualty here: Liverpool. While optimists will point to the strong start Brendan Rodgers’ men made at the beginning of last season without him, it would be myopic in extreme to think Luis Suarez’s 31 Premier League goals and 12 assists won’t be missed. So far, Liverpool have done nothing to convince us that gap has been plugged (though if this comes off, we may draw a different conclusion).

Top Goalscorer: Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)

We expect van Gaal to get the best out of Rooney, keeping him fit, motivated and playing in his favored center forward position as part of a 3-4-1-2. United’s number 10 should reward his new manager with 20+ goals this season.

Wayne Rooney Goal West Ham

Breakout Year: John Stones (Everton)

Stones made his first Premier League start for Everton at the beginning of 2014, and showed glimpses throughout the second half of the season of his talent, touch and composure. A ball-playing defender who can play either Center Back or Full Back, we expect Stones to be a regular starter in Roberto Martinez’s side this year, and to start pushing for a place in Roy Hodgson’s England starting XI.

Relegated: Burnley, Southampton, Aston Villa (in no particular order)

Statistically, at least one of the newly promoted sides should be relegated this season: in the last 19 years, only twice has a promoted team not gone straight back down, and in no year has a team promoted within the last two years not gone down. We’re going to say Burnley will be this season’s unlucky freshmen largely because, on paper at least, there is nothing to suggest they have the caliber of player capable of competing in the Premier League.

The other two names are a little more, shall we say, ballsy. Southampton finished eighth last season, so to suggest they’ll be relegated is a big call. But they’ve since lost their manager and had £92m worth of talent stripped from their first team: Lallana, Shaw, Lovren, Chambers, Lambert. It seems like a very big ask for Ronald Koeman to keep Southampton up after such a dramatic drain of resources.

Aston Villa have spent 102 seasons in England’s top division, so again, predicting relegation is either brave or stupid (probably the latter). They were very mediocre last season and, unscientific though it may be, they just “feel” like relegation candidates. With Concrete Ron Vlaar rumoured to be a transfer target for several clubs, and Roy Keane – a man more combustible than a 1980s hairdo – now Assistant Manager, 2014-15 looks like being one long struggle for the Villains.

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