Fast 8 Will Apparently Feature The Rock Doing The Haka At A Soccer Game And Also A Submarine
The interwebs were abuzz Sunday about the release of the trailer for "Fast 8" a.k.a. "The Fate of the Furious" (more on this later), but we, after searching the Internet for soccer-related "Fast 8" content in an effort to drum up an excuse to write about this movie even though we work for a soccer website, stumbled across this gem:
Yes, that is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson leading a girls youth soccer team in the "Haka" dance popularized by the New Zealand rugby team.
We do not know what the function of The Rock coaching his daughter's soccer team will be in the movie, but we can only assume, based on previous installments of the series, there will be some kind of big explosion and the team will flee the scene pursued by bad guys (possibly the other team), with one of the little girls piloting a helicopter upside-down.
Now that the soccer's out of the way, let's talk about the trailer.
— Fast & Furious (@FastFurious) December 12, 2016
Internetland has so far focused its attentions on two aspects of the trailer:
1. Dom is evil now.
2. YOU GUYS A SUBMARINE.
Other notable points: Jason Statham is on the team now after he and The Rock break out of a prison in which they were kept in adjacent cells, which is very poor prison-management, if you ask us. Ludacris gets a tank and he is very excited about it. Charlize Theron is some kind of tech terrorist who is very obviously blackmailing Dom into betraying the FAMILY, and also they fully make out in one scene.
Between "The Fate of the Furious" and the new xXx movie, which Neymar is in, we are excited about how soccer seems to be seeping into Vin Diesel movies. We are also excited to watch The Rock coach a youth soccer team in a movie that will be considered a disappointment if something doesn't blow up in damn near every scene.
Everyone: this plan will never work
Vin Diesel: ride or die
Everyone: well maybe ...
Vin Diesel: family
Everyone: let's do it
— queerbaiting myself (@hunktears) July 12, 2016