In The Midst Of Being Robbed By Other EPL Teams, Arsenal Have Been Robbed By Robbers
News broke Wednesday that late Tuesday night burglars broke into the Emirates Stadium in London and took off with “a large quantity of merchandise” from Arsenal. A police statement said the suspects were in a car and two mopeds.
The police did not say exactly what was stolen but we at The18 have obtained exclusive police sketches of the suspects.
The first accused robber is supposed to have accomplished all four of his goals for the burglary without taking a shot from the Arsenal store rent-a-cops. This same culprit managed to also steal an item that was about to be shipped out to the west side of London and take it back with him on his moped to the north of England.
Coincidentally, this man is also accused of attempting to hijack a truck full of merchandise headed for the Emirates from the city-state of Monaco.
One burglar is still at large after attempting to pry one of the most coveted items from Arsene Wenger’s locker room, a Chilean piece valued at more than $65 million. The accused is known for his taste for only the finest items but hasn’t currently been able to crack open the vault sealing the piece in.
Another thief, who was not sketched because he was wearing a baseball cap that obscured his face, snuck off with a discarded piece of fencing that never really succeeded in keeping out opponents but was given plenty of chances because it was made in England.
Perhaps the most notorious criminal from Tuesday night has been spotted at the Emirates before, often with a band of blue cronies smashing up the place. Lately he’s switched gang colors to red and appeared to be the ringleader of this group of burglars, walking around like he owns the entire country with the confidence of a man who’s never been beaten.
This burglar didn’t even take anything, he just lorded over the proceedings with a wry smile on his face.
The police are asking anyone with more information about the crime to report immediately to Arsenal owner Stan Kroenke, even though he probably won’t do anything about it.