Three footballers scored pokers (four goals in one match) this weekend in Europe's major leagues: Mohamed Salah for Liverpool, Cristiano Ronaldo for Real Madrid and Mauro Icardi for Inter Milan. You have to be an astoundingly good footballer to score four in a match in one of Europe top five leagues, but who was the most astoundingly good at being astoundingly good.
Who scored four goals in one match with the most flair, the most panache? Who won the poker hand, as it were? Ante up, let's figure it out.
Mohamed Salah vs. Watford
First goal: RIP Miguel Britos. Send the box of his charred ashes to his next of kin.
Second goal: almost a carbon-copy of a goal Salah scored in pre-season against Bayern Munich. Was that a sign of things to come? Hindsight tells us that yes, it definitely was.
Third goal: one of the silliest scoring angles I have ever seen. Salah's after-football career is going to be as a geometry teacher.
Fourth goal: selflessly tries to get Danny Ings a goal then realizes if you want something done right you have to do it yourself and hoofs it into the back of the net.
Poker Hand: Full house
Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Girona
First goal: typical Ronaldo: genius movement, snarling acceleration, perfect finish.
Second goal: see description of first goal.
Third goal: if you spill a shot right in front of Cristiano Ronaldo and give him an open net to look at, he is probably going to score.
Fourth goal: see the description of the first goal. Cristiano scores the same type of goal a lot. It is a very nice type of goal.
Poker Hand: Three of a kind.
Mauro Icardi vs. Sampdoria
First goal: penalty, meh.
Second goal: (head twisting around like the little girl in The Exorcist) what on earth did I just witness? How? HOW?
Third goal: each player scored a rebounder but Icardi's was the nicest because the rebound came via an attempted backheel. Disrespectin opponents always wins here at The18 dot com.
Fourth goal: go home Mauro Icardi. That was just rude. The bouncing volley directly into the ground is the most disrespectful of all volleys.
Poker Hand: flush
Mohamed Salah wins the hand. He is the Daniel Negreanu of soccer.
(for those of you wondering what a Royal Flush would be, it's Zlatan against England but in a game that actually mattered)
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