PSA: The United States Will Not Play Ghana At The 2018 World Cup

Apparently FIFA has changed the laws of the World Cup and the U.S. will no longer play Ghana.

For those looking forward to turning on their television sets in late June to get a glimpse of the comforting quadrennial event that is the United States versus Ghana, you’ll be shocked to discover that the World Cup will no longer feature a clash of the old enemies. Tragically, a rivalry dating back to time immemorial has been scuppered. 

There will be no heroics from Clint Dempsey or Asamoah Gyan, no bogus penalty calls on Oguchi Onyewu or sumptuous bits of skill from the Ayew brothers. For 2006 USMNT holdovers Dempsey, Tim Howard and DaMarcus Beasley, news of Ghana’s elimination at the hands of Egypt must’ve felt similar to turning on MTV for the first time while grandma witlessly paces around upstairs completely unawares — their youth is, without a doubt, now over. 

It’s been destroyed by Mohamed Salah and his percolating runs on the right wing, the maturation equivalent of seeing Sisqo's "Thong Song" music video.

 

There will be no Ghana in Russia. There will be no opportunity for Claudio Reyna to disastrously cede possession in front of goal whilst spraining his MCL in the process. There will be no more opportunities for Ricardo Clark to do much of the same or for the center back pairing of John Mensah and Jonathan Mensah to shutdown Brian McBride or Jozy Altidore. 

United States Ghana World Cup

Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. Photo: @kwesesports | Twitter

The United States and Ghana U-17s got to play today at the U-17 World Cup in India, nicely building towards future senior World Cup games, but it’s just not the same. Nothing will ever be the same (at least until 2022).

Goodbye Kevin “My Sweet” Prince Boateng. Goodbye Christian Atsu, although I’ll still see you on the weekends with Newcastle United. Goodbye Michael Essien, you hard-nosed bison.

Goodbye Ghana. You taught us that the best relationship is the one that makes you better. You were the best we ever had, Black Stars.

Here’s to hoping we get one more night of passion together in the USMNT’s send-off series.

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