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Rotten Stouffers: The Freddy Adu-Based Movie Review Page

Which movies and TV shows are certifiably fresh and packed with powerful protein? Let Freddy Adu be the judge of that.

Freddy Adu needs no introduction. After Sierra Mist told everybody that he would fix the ozone layer as a 14-year-old boy wonder, he’s instead gone on to play professional soccer for 13 years. A lot of people still aren’t happy about that and want him to get up there and fix that damn part of the stratosphere, but we say just leave him alone. 

Adu is currently on trial with the Portland Timbers, and we’d love to see him professionally peak all over the likes of Nat Borchers (ed. note: just kidding Nat Borchers retired yesterday but we're leaving him in here as a little tribute) and Liam Ridgewell, return to playing in MLS and lead a wonderful life to the end of his days. 

But let’s move on to more important things. Let’s move on to what we’re really here for: a dynamic, cutting edge review aggregator webpage that channels Freddy’s thoughts on movies and television shows to assign them a Stouffers Lasagna Rating. 

Why Freddy Adu and why Stouffers? Because Freddy Adu loves movies, television shows and Stouffers, and not necessarily in that order.

Stouffers are easy to make (and packed with protein), allowing you to get right to watching. You don’t even need dishes or anything, which is another plus if you’re stuck in the body of a 14-year-old.

As a professional athlete, Adu’s got a lot of downtime to recover and prepare for the next whatever.

See? How could you not trust this man? He's seen 95 percent of everything that's out there. Just think about that. That's incredible.

Adu knows more about entertainment than Siskel and Ebert combined. He’s like a young man’s Chuck Klosterman, totally in tune with pop culture except way more into Christian Bale movies.

Anytime a new show or movie drops, you’ll want to see whether it was a Certified Fresh Stouffers Lasagna, Just Your Average/Everyday Stouffers Lasagna or a Rotten Stouffers Lasagna.

Freddy’s Certified Fresh Stouffers Lasagnas

Fresh Lasagna

These movies, like a good lasagna, have many layers.

Les Miserables

The Great Debaters

Interstellar

Creed

Narcos

Ip Man

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (Ultimate Edition)

The Dark Knight

Seriously, The Dark Knight. Check it out.

DID YOU SEE IT YET? YOU HAVE TO SEE IT.

Man of Steel

Cloud Atlas

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Just the character Yoda

The Bourne Collection

Shark Tank

Any movie with Liam Neeson 

Freddy's Average/Everyday Stouffers Lasagnas

Average Stouffers

This is just your normal Stouffers.

Suicide Squad

Prometheus

Daredevil Season II 

Making a Murderer

The Avengers

Shark Week

Freddy's Rotten Stouffers Lasagnas

Rotten Stouffers

DO NOT watch these.

Deadpool

Total Recall

Movies made before Freddy was born