The Soccer Nobel Prizes Are Way Better Than The Regular Nobel Prizes

The Nobel Prizes are the highest honors humans can receive. We made them even better.

The Nobel Prizes are being announced this week and next, honoring achievements in the most vital disciplines. The Nobel Prizes have honored some of the top scientists, authors, philosophers and politicians in the world, without the likes of whom human progress would be slowed. Also, Bob Dylan for some reason.

That got us thinking: why let the smartest people in the world have all the fun? SPORTS!

So we made some Nobel Prizes just for us, the soccer community.

The Soccer Nobel Prize For Physiology Or Medicine

WINNER: ZLATAN

Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who (glances nervously off camera) is recovering MASTERFULLY from his knee injury, making a better recovery than (glances off camera again) anyone in the history of sports.

(camera pans around real quick to reveal Zlatan, leering menacingly at me)

Tell Jose I'm coming

A post shared by IAmZlatan (@iamzlatanibrahimovic) on

The Soccer Nobel Prize For Physics

WINNER: LEVADIA

For scoring 15 seconds into a match without even touching the damn ball.

The Soccer Nobel Prize For Chemistry

WINNER: CELTIC

For their insane goal against St. Johnstone. What a build-up, what chemistry!

The Soccer Nobel Prize For Literature

WINNER: ME, SAM KLOMHAUS

As a soccer writer, I am awarding the Soccer Nobel Prize in Literature to myself, because I really need a win today. Sorry I’m not sorry. Here are some of the articles that I have decided I won for:

Watch This Sheep Perfectly Demonstrate How To Shut Down A Counterattack

Face It, Liverpool Fans: Dejan Lovren Is Never Going Away

The CONCACAF Gold Cup Is Holding The Soccer Media Hostage

Vancouver And Montreal Have Made The Most MLS Trade Ever

I Saw A Plane. It Probably Has Virgil Van Dijk On It

The Soccer Nobel Peace Prize

Winner: MANCHESTER UNITED

Nothing brings the world together in harmony like hating Manchester United.

Jose Mourinho

@thefield_in | Twitter

The Soccer Nobel Prize For Economics

WINNER: PSG

You know why.

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