Jean Michael Seri's Failed Transfer To Barcelona Was Like A Game Of Thrones Plot Line, Probably

Nice midfielder Jean Michael Seri was supposedly betrayed by Barcelona after allegedly coming to an agreement.

Warning: Game of Thrones spoilers below (and Jean Michael Seri transfer spoilers if you're somehow DVRing that)

Transfer season is nearing its grand finale and storylines are all over the place and no one knows what will happen but everyone is excited. Similarly, America's favorite fantasy dragon incest jamboree has reached the conclusion of its penultimate season, and storylines are just as all over the place as the summer transfer window. In fact, I have noticed some striking similarities between the two.

I have not actually "seen" a single episode of Game of Thrones, but I have read two articles on Sunday's season finale, and I believe that qualifies me as an expert on the subject. As my first act of Game of Thrones expertise, I am going to break down for you why Nice midfielder Jean Michael Seri's failed transfer to Barcelona was EXACTLY like a plot line from Game of Thrones.

Seri's transfer between Nice and Barcelona broke down after the player had reached a deal with Barcelona because the clubs themselves could not work out a suitable price for the "Ivorian Xavi." I, an expert, know exactly why these talks broke down.

The talks broke down because transfer negotiation is a game . . . OF THRONES.

Because I read an extraordinary amount of articles (again, two) concerning the season finale, I know the the main plot point of Sunday's episode was Jon Snow getting busy with Daenarys Targaryen, who is, spoiler alert, his aunt. Neither Jon nor Dany (as those "in the know" refer to her) know of this relationship, but still. Gross.

 

Apparently there is a raven or something on the way to tell them?

Jean Michael Seri can relate to this, not because he has committed incest (I have never met Jean Michael Seri, know diddly about his personal life and would as such never accuse him of such a thing), but because he, too, has made a decision that felt real good in the moment but ended up going horribly wrong because of unforseen circumstances beyond his control. 

See? We've turned this article around to being about the thing we were actually trying to talk about.

The point is, footballers are like fictional royal relations fighting against an existential threat: slaves to their whims. And life will crush you for your indulgence no matter who you are. You might think you're on your way to Barcelona and a pay raise and getting to play with Messi and everything is great, only to find out Barcelona is actually your aunt. Gross.

End of content

No more pages to load