Arsenal Owner Stan Kroenke Creates Entire TV Channel Devoted To Hunting Trophies

Arsenal's majority shareholder Stan Kroenke really does love his Gunners.

RIP Arsenal Fan TV. Long live My Outdoor TV.

The wondrous videos of Gunners supporters eloquently stating their dissatisfaction with Arsenal majority shareholder Stan Kroenke on Arsenal Fan TV will soon be a thing of the past. Kroenke has finally devoted himself to bringing home the biggest trophies. 

My Outdoor TV, a Netflix-style service devoted to making animals dead, made its debut in the UK over the weekend, giving Londoners their first look at Kroenke’s devotion to some real trophy hunting. Who needs a Premier League or Champions League trophy when you can have a corpse hanging from your wall? 

The new service, which has been out in the U.S. for a while now, features shows where hunters use high-powered weaponry to slaughter endangered species from lions to turtles. In one program, an endangered African elephant is shot multiple times before expiring. Others take a different approach, letting the animals bleed out after a single serrated arrow from a heavy composite bow. Kroenke himself famously killed a ram in St. Louis. 

It’s a natural fit for Arsenal. Gunners love guns. The reaction has been overwhelmingly positive.

 

It turns out, Alexandre Lacazette was just the beginning of Kroenke’s offseason spending to bring the best and the brightest to London. If MOTV is any indication, Kylian Mbappe will be coming to Emirates Stadium any moment now and Arsene Wenger is currently working on hijacking PSG’s deal for Neymar. Here’s a look at Wenger in negotiations with Neymar’s father.

Here we see Wenger teaching young players how to sharpen their shooting skills.

Because no one actually cares about the FA Cup anymore, Arsenal hasn’t won a major trophy in more than a dozen years. That’s about to change thanks to Kroenke’s impressive devotion to hunting trophies. 

We're looking forward to the episode where Stan uses a cannon to euthanize Gunnersaurus.